Cold feet or not, I have stuck with the diet and doing no drugs is a blessing. No forgetting and remembering. Since my last blood tests came back good for calcium, I have given up 7 tablets, well I am actually having 2 a day as I am having hardly any milk products just now I thought it wise (hmm not the best sentence in the world, think a comma would it improve it but don't know where to put it!!).
The grumpiness of adapting to the diet turns into acceptance and in a lot of ways, probably a more healthy diet. Certainly involves cooking more which in it's own way is quite therapeutic. It's amazing what one can do with a chicken and it's bones - seems like an endless cycle.
We've had a poorly week for my beauty but there was no way she was going to miss school even though I think she would have been better off in bed yesterday!
Not too much to report then really, am hoping to find a companion to go to the hospital with me next week, better get on with that.
Sculptures progressing, still very exciting, though I am carefully ignoring the two large ones. One is hanging around in the front room precariously balanced on the coffee table and the other is two rolled out slabs languishing under a bed upstairs! Guess my reluctance is all around the "will it actually work" scenario and the fact that it will be fired in someone else's kiln, for good money and what if it all ends up as a slumped mess - egg on face etc. Got to get my bold, go for it attitude on and keep the faith, so far everything else has worked out, so why wouldn't this. Giving myself a quick pep talk here!!
Right the day is young, sun not shining today but it has been a glorious week.
Earlier in the week I cleared away the brambles round my heart, metaphorically and been opening it to God. For me this is so much more comfortable than thinking in my head, certainly the way forward for now.
Love to you all
x
Friday, 30 March 2012
Tuesday, 20 March 2012
Got cold feet
Tomorrow is the start of no drugs and special diet. Can't remember what I ate for the whole of the last 2 week low iodine diet. Better get thinking quick otherwise I am going to be very hungry!!
Now I am here I am not so sure I want to do it. When I was going through my big traumas about not wanting a second treatment and believing I was healed, I felt that I must just have the second treatment and trust that God would protect me from any harm from the treatment. BUT logically, having the whole body scan to check whether I actually need the second treatment makes sense, hence finding myself at the start of preparation for the said whole body scan to check. I am wobbling substantially.
Managed to get my hot yoga in today, only just though, had to put the current sculpture on pause. Was on a roll this morning creating one of the three that are currently under way. My teacher said just before half term that I was attempting something that was technically advanced and that I should seek advice from others who are doing similar stuff. As a result I have been in communication with an arts professor in the US who has been very generous sharing her knowledge and skills that she has developed whilst building pieces with similar techniques to that which I am using. Has been so helpful. The piece I finished today is called "Transformation". It is a set of strands a bit like a fibre optic lamp although lying down. The strands are all murky colours and in a tangled ball at one end and then each turns white and then ends as a different rainbow colour all spread out. I say finished, it is drying on the former I made for it, which is sitting on a small piece of kiln shelf so that it can be placed straight into the kiln without being handled.
Spent 3 and a half hours at the Hexagon tonight for a schools fundraising concert. My beauty sang well in the choir and the steel pans are always good. Some other items however were cringe worthy and even my beauty said some of the other singers were out of tune, oh yes they most certainly were! Tears at the very late bedtime of course and the rest of the week on trauma alert after such a late night - wooooopey, NOT.
So if I am going to take better care of myself, I will go to bed now.
Sleep well all
xx
Now I am here I am not so sure I want to do it. When I was going through my big traumas about not wanting a second treatment and believing I was healed, I felt that I must just have the second treatment and trust that God would protect me from any harm from the treatment. BUT logically, having the whole body scan to check whether I actually need the second treatment makes sense, hence finding myself at the start of preparation for the said whole body scan to check. I am wobbling substantially.
Managed to get my hot yoga in today, only just though, had to put the current sculpture on pause. Was on a roll this morning creating one of the three that are currently under way. My teacher said just before half term that I was attempting something that was technically advanced and that I should seek advice from others who are doing similar stuff. As a result I have been in communication with an arts professor in the US who has been very generous sharing her knowledge and skills that she has developed whilst building pieces with similar techniques to that which I am using. Has been so helpful. The piece I finished today is called "Transformation". It is a set of strands a bit like a fibre optic lamp although lying down. The strands are all murky colours and in a tangled ball at one end and then each turns white and then ends as a different rainbow colour all spread out. I say finished, it is drying on the former I made for it, which is sitting on a small piece of kiln shelf so that it can be placed straight into the kiln without being handled.
Spent 3 and a half hours at the Hexagon tonight for a schools fundraising concert. My beauty sang well in the choir and the steel pans are always good. Some other items however were cringe worthy and even my beauty said some of the other singers were out of tune, oh yes they most certainly were! Tears at the very late bedtime of course and the rest of the week on trauma alert after such a late night - wooooopey, NOT.
So if I am going to take better care of myself, I will go to bed now.
Sleep well all
xx
Monday, 19 March 2012
Oooooh goody!
Today is a good day. As a result of the first of last week's hospital appointments at which I requested a whole body scan to see if I really do need a second treatment or not, I have a date. Whole body scan will be Wednesday 4th April - injection of Iodine123 at 1pm, scan at 4pm. So starting on low iodine diet again this Wednesday and stopping my thyroid drugs - must remember not to go to hot yoga during this time. I will go tomorrow for my last fling I think.
Friday's hospital appointment was nearly a non-starter. I arrived at the West Berks hospital only to be told they had no record of me or the appointment I said I had and the consultant's secretary (when called) claimed no knowledge of the phone call she and I had had arranging the appointment! I thought the sister was about to section me for being mental and making it all up. However, thankfully they did see me, although Mr bowels was rather grumpy and was not impressed that the pain in my side had moved. Anyway he has referred me to the liver and gall bladder team (I trust, he said he would) and I wait to hear. Seems most likely the pain is from the gall stones and Mr bowels said if they remove my gall bladder he will take a look at my appendix at the same time and remove that too if it looks suspicious.
Today's hospital appointment was a complete joy. Ms speech and language was lovely. Fantastic at listening, assessing, reassuring, educating, all the things I hope for in a hospital specialist. She gave me a sheet of things to consider regarding self-help and offered me a therapy session next month to strengthen my nearly recovered voice. Hooray!
Then spent about 30 minutes waiting for the blood test service to drain my red stuff to check a whole assortment of body functions. Was good to have time to read the gutter press that was lurking around. Got back to my car to find what looked like a parking ticket - oh I should learn not to be so naughty. When I got home and read it properly it was just a warning this time - God is tres good, lesson learnt.
My sculpture test piece was sitting on my bench space this morning and I was very excited. It worked and all stayed in one piece. I spent the rest of the lesson preparing the clay for the final piece. Still not got it all ready - may do some this evening, ooooooooohhhhh exciting...
Right my beauty is mis-behaving, her Dad has just been to see her, so I will sign off now.
For those praying, having positive vibes etc., be assured that they do work and I would appreciate your support as I start the diet and drug withdrawal.
Love to you all
xx
Monday, 12 March 2012
Slight up turn here :)
Can't believe I just did a :) Not my style at all but hey, why not?!
Have to say feeling more up than down today, so that's good. Thank you for all your support.
Enjoyed family gathering to celebrate with my littlest niece who is most definitely gorgeous and had a fantastic roast too.
Went sculpting today and that did me the power of good. Trials in progress and brain drying ready for bisque firing.
Had a drive in my PC friends newly acquired camper van and it seems like a lot of fun.
Got a hamster - he can be known, Snowy! Guess what colour????? He seems very cute but needs to be tamed, he's got his 24 hour settling in period first though. Will my beauty be able to sleep whilst he runs amok all night in her bedroom - we wait to see... Just now he has moved his bed to one of the tunnels and is resting after his partial tour of his new residence. He is very fortunate to have a double size cage, but he is yet to venture into the round turret section.
So there we are, the studio is slowly taking shape and a kiln may be on it's way soon - hooray!
Been lovely to chat/eat/be with more of you lovely friends, I must keep it up, it helps keep me sane and increases my chance of putting my lost weight back on.
xx
Have to say feeling more up than down today, so that's good. Thank you for all your support.
Enjoyed family gathering to celebrate with my littlest niece who is most definitely gorgeous and had a fantastic roast too.
Went sculpting today and that did me the power of good. Trials in progress and brain drying ready for bisque firing.
Had a drive in my PC friends newly acquired camper van and it seems like a lot of fun.
Got a hamster - he can be known, Snowy! Guess what colour????? He seems very cute but needs to be tamed, he's got his 24 hour settling in period first though. Will my beauty be able to sleep whilst he runs amok all night in her bedroom - we wait to see... Just now he has moved his bed to one of the tunnels and is resting after his partial tour of his new residence. He is very fortunate to have a double size cage, but he is yet to venture into the round turret section.
So there we are, the studio is slowly taking shape and a kiln may be on it's way soon - hooray!
Been lovely to chat/eat/be with more of you lovely friends, I must keep it up, it helps keep me sane and increases my chance of putting my lost weight back on.
xx
Thursday, 8 March 2012
Pretty down
Well what can I say, I have felt down and rubbish for a while now. Having cancer is crap (excuse the language). Wish I could go back to the times since my diagnosis when I was successfully just getting on with life with a skip and a smile. What happened?
One thing that has struck me lately was the fact that when I was going through the ops and treatment I felt very uplifted and supported by all your prayers and positive vibes etc. Then as life got "back to normal" whatever that may be, I didn't write the blog and therefore felt out there on my own much more. I am sure many of you are still praying etc, for me, my beauty and family but I feel like I cut myself off. I can't do it on my own. I need you all.
I have been very sad about my special friend/surrogate Mum who died at the end of January. My counsellor suggested I write her a letter to express how I felt- I liked that idea a lot and wrote one earlier this week but it certainly made me cry a lot too. I bought some roses that we had on the table with some pictures of her for the day of her funeral as my beauty decided not to go in the end. It is now a whole calendar month since her funeral and some of them are still going strong - one has even grown a new bud!
I went on a quiet day today that some of my friends had organised. It was lovely to pray with them and be quiet. I went for a walk, it was beautiful and sunny, blossom breaking forth, red kites cruising around and squawking at each other, a cat carefully carrying a baby bird in it's mouth, birds singing their spring songs, many beautiful things.
I sat by the lake and wrote a poem.
At Peace
Geese shout their defence
Intuitively protecting their space
Loud, persistent
Clear, Assertive
But where's my voice?
Afraid to speak
Bottled up, ready to burst
Help me God
Hold me as I choose to value myself
Open my eyes
Open my mind
So much healing to be done
Bit by bit you free me to be me
Help me to love me just as you do
And so to be at peace
That's just where I am at. The background to this is the fact that the hospital have failed to get back to me about another issue. Finally thank God, I have managed to get an appointment to see a real life consultant. I have agreed to drive further than locally to see them but that way I get to see them quicker and hopefully gain some knowledge and understanding and some peace of mind.
Thank you for still being there for me xxx
One thing that has struck me lately was the fact that when I was going through the ops and treatment I felt very uplifted and supported by all your prayers and positive vibes etc. Then as life got "back to normal" whatever that may be, I didn't write the blog and therefore felt out there on my own much more. I am sure many of you are still praying etc, for me, my beauty and family but I feel like I cut myself off. I can't do it on my own. I need you all.
I have been very sad about my special friend/surrogate Mum who died at the end of January. My counsellor suggested I write her a letter to express how I felt- I liked that idea a lot and wrote one earlier this week but it certainly made me cry a lot too. I bought some roses that we had on the table with some pictures of her for the day of her funeral as my beauty decided not to go in the end. It is now a whole calendar month since her funeral and some of them are still going strong - one has even grown a new bud!
I went on a quiet day today that some of my friends had organised. It was lovely to pray with them and be quiet. I went for a walk, it was beautiful and sunny, blossom breaking forth, red kites cruising around and squawking at each other, a cat carefully carrying a baby bird in it's mouth, birds singing their spring songs, many beautiful things.
I sat by the lake and wrote a poem.
At Peace
Geese shout their defence
Intuitively protecting their space
Loud, persistent
Clear, Assertive
But where's my voice?
Afraid to speak
Bottled up, ready to burst
Help me God
Hold me as I choose to value myself
Open my eyes
Open my mind
So much healing to be done
Bit by bit you free me to be me
Help me to love me just as you do
And so to be at peace
That's just where I am at. The background to this is the fact that the hospital have failed to get back to me about another issue. Finally thank God, I have managed to get an appointment to see a real life consultant. I have agreed to drive further than locally to see them but that way I get to see them quicker and hopefully gain some knowledge and understanding and some peace of mind.
Thank you for still being there for me xxx
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