Well one week later and memories of the key hole surgery are fading. All went to plan, though the anaesthetist did put the wind up me prior to the op. She gaily informed me that with my op last August they had had trouble with my airway, so this time they were considering different ways of putting me to sleep! This made me rather anxious, I had no need to know this information, but I guess it did mean that I had the consultant anaesthetist as well as the standard lady to look after my well being whilst getting chopped up.
I was first on the theatre list and last back up on the ward - seems I was rather knocked out. All I remember of the recovery ward was telling the nurse that one had to get sleep when one could. I did finally force myself to wake up though and was wheeled back to the bay and had a fully lucid and interesting conversation with the lady in the bed opposite - a lovely farmer it turned out. The next day it was very apparent that I was probably flying high on narcotic pain relief given during the op. Still it made the time whizz by and Snow White who was my responsible adult came to pick me up about 3pm. A nurse bought me a wheelchair and at that point I realised I probably had had a fair op on the table. Turns out they only removed my gall bladder though - spent a while requesting the appendix job too but to no avail.
So I have 4 new scars, not sure how big yet, still stuck up. The largest is in my tummy button so that won't show but that's the one that is most sore. That was the exit point for the gall bladder which apparently looked perfectly all right after all that! Will have to wait until post op pain disappears before I know if the original pain is fixed or not - but I have to say I sincerely hope it is fixed. I've had enough of medics.
Today I had my thyroid check and all progressing well, just an annual blood test to check for new cancer cells and fairly frequent ones to check that my thyroxine levels are behaving correctly. Easy - I have the most glorious veins so never a problem there.
A lazy weekend spent in Wales with my Uni friends and we actually saw some sun. Spent many hours in the hot tub and I think it did me the world of good.
Two more weeks before school holidays start and I get my larger second hand kiln. Pretty exciting prospect!
Thank you all once again for your faithful following and positive vibes/prayers/support.
God is good all the time and all the time God is good - I have just googled this and it is a chorus, there we are! Still applies.
Blessings to you all
Jane x
Monday, 9 July 2012
Monday, 25 June 2012
Prayers Please
Where have I been all this time? Busy, busy it seems.
My visits to the hospital have slowed down considerably which has been lovely. It seems my drug levels are pretty good now, energy levels are fairly consistent. So all in all my blip is pretty much fading into the past.
However, there is now a hiccup on the horizon. Next Wednesday (4th July) I am having key-hole surgery to remove my gall bladder and possibly my appendix. All being well this will be very standard and will mean that the fairly consistent pain in my side will depart.
Other news - sculpting has been pretty slow but I have been working hard turning the workshop at home into Prospect Studio and am making a wall plaque to put up at the front.
My visits to the hospital have slowed down considerably which has been lovely. It seems my drug levels are pretty good now, energy levels are fairly consistent. So all in all my blip is pretty much fading into the past.
However, there is now a hiccup on the horizon. Next Wednesday (4th July) I am having key-hole surgery to remove my gall bladder and possibly my appendix. All being well this will be very standard and will mean that the fairly consistent pain in my side will depart.
Other news - sculpting has been pretty slow but I have been working hard turning the workshop at home into Prospect Studio and am making a wall plaque to put up at the front.
I have also been working on my first commission and been trying out my new small kiln. It appears that I have an enormous amount to learn!!
Two of my pieces have been out in the big wide world too. I won second place in the Tilehurst Eistedffod with my globe which was very exciting and have just exhibited the globe and Tension at Reading Arts Week. I went to my first opening night which was great fun. Prosecco and posh nibbles were the order of the night, along with a fashion show and musical entertainment not to mention having a good browse at the 300 pieces of art work that were on show. Someone was even interested in commissioning me to make another globe!
I can see now how the time has flown by!!!
Anyway, as I know how God looked after me during my blip, I know he will continue to do so through this hiccup but your prayers would be much appreciated. I should be in and out in the day.
Thank you all x
Friday, 4 May 2012
The gift of healing!
So it's now been two and a bit weeks since I was told I am ALL CLEAR. Obviously I am delighted but it came with very mixed feelings. Questions really - What was all that about? Did I really have cancer? Will it return? How will my body respond to the new drug Thyroxine? Can I take a T3 to go with my Thyroxine to help my body adjust to it's new routine? and on and on...
This week I heard that my other thyroid cancer friend who shared with me what "the prison" was all about after her time in there has been told after her second treatment that she is considered ALL CLEAR too. I have been so happy and didn't stop smiling for some time. Some how it is easier being a friend celebrating the good news rather than being the object of the same good news.
Anyway the main reason for writing tonight is to share a little more of God's gift to me. I received my diagnosis of thyroid cancer from my GP on Tuesday 6th September 2011 - a date one never forgets I suppose. The following Wednesday 14th I went to a retreat day at The Spring, a local place of beauty, calm and tranquillity. There the lady leading us shared her thoughts about us being gardens and that we needed to look after our garden carefully - metaphorically speaking of course! She encouraged us to ask God for what we wanted, actually I think she said what we needed, but I never was very good at making the distinction between the two. Whilst considering this in the quiet time prior to lunch as I was walking through the beautiful gardens, the real ones this time! a poem came to me. My title is what came first, the second part of the title God gave to me, along with the poem. Here it is:-
What I want - The Gift
Lord, I awoke
At last a full nights sleep
A new day
Of rest, of restoration,
You came to the beach and gave me a gift
A golden package
I feel it in my hands
My body is free from the cancer
I know
I am certain
You have a plan
My future in your hands
And there in my notebook it remained, written down but not shared. I found it hard to truly believe and though I did tell various people along the way that I didn't want the second treatment because I believed I was healed, there was still a little niggling doubt.
Now it is true. Even though I doubted, God didn't take the gift away from me - He remained faithful!
Thank you God and thank you all dear friends again for being there for me
xx
This week I heard that my other thyroid cancer friend who shared with me what "the prison" was all about after her time in there has been told after her second treatment that she is considered ALL CLEAR too. I have been so happy and didn't stop smiling for some time. Some how it is easier being a friend celebrating the good news rather than being the object of the same good news.
Anyway the main reason for writing tonight is to share a little more of God's gift to me. I received my diagnosis of thyroid cancer from my GP on Tuesday 6th September 2011 - a date one never forgets I suppose. The following Wednesday 14th I went to a retreat day at The Spring, a local place of beauty, calm and tranquillity. There the lady leading us shared her thoughts about us being gardens and that we needed to look after our garden carefully - metaphorically speaking of course! She encouraged us to ask God for what we wanted, actually I think she said what we needed, but I never was very good at making the distinction between the two. Whilst considering this in the quiet time prior to lunch as I was walking through the beautiful gardens, the real ones this time! a poem came to me. My title is what came first, the second part of the title God gave to me, along with the poem. Here it is:-
What I want - The Gift
Lord, I awoke
At last a full nights sleep
A new day
Of rest, of restoration,
You came to the beach and gave me a gift
A golden package
I feel it in my hands
My body is free from the cancer
I know
I am certain
You have a plan
My future in your hands
And there in my notebook it remained, written down but not shared. I found it hard to truly believe and though I did tell various people along the way that I didn't want the second treatment because I believed I was healed, there was still a little niggling doubt.
Now it is true. Even though I doubted, God didn't take the gift away from me - He remained faithful!
Thank you God and thank you all dear friends again for being there for me
xx
Wednesday, 18 April 2012
Celebration!
Oh yes, it's true I have been healed and the hospital said could I use my crystal ball to sort out everyone else!!
I did have a sneak preview of today's news actually. Yesterday I went to visit another of my thyroid cancer friends in "the prison" and as I was getting there the medical physics mega brain lady had come too to take my friend's Geiger count readings. She asked me if I had had the results of my scan and I said no, I was having my appointment today. I went on to ask if she could give me any clues and she replied "no, you can wait for the surprise tomorrow". So, as she is the most lovely lady and wouldn't want to give anyone false hope, I was pretty sure that the news had to be good. Still I was rather nervous today all the same.
When I finally got to see Ms oncology today after the inevitable wait, she was very bouncy, quite like Tigger, seemed to be very pleased with herself that she was able to sort out everyone's problems when there were no other staff around. Hey, prior to that I was very bold and refused to go into one of the tiny consultation rooms to wait when asked by a nurse. Ms oncology had just passed through the waiting room and said she had an urgent matter to deal with and would be back shortly. Well I have spent far too long waiting in those little pokey, dismal rooms so asked if it was OK to wait in the waiting room. The nurse was rather nervous about that prospect but agreed finally. Note: Jane finds her voice!!!!! As it was, my sister and I would have waited in said pokey dismal room for 20 minutes, so very glad my voice was operational.
Ms oncology started off by asking me how it had all gone whilst I was preparing for my scan with the drug withdrawal - talk about keeping someone in suspense. She then went on to say it was all very surprising that the scan was clear, blah, blah, blah. Why she couldn't have just said - well I guess you would like to know that your scan was clear first is beyond me, but straight talking seems quite limited round the NHS system in general. The most straight talking I have experienced recently was from a GP who I had never met before at my local surgery.
I saw him to get some blood tests which will be used as a cancer marker baseline for my future blood tests which I will have for the rest of my life. Thyroid tissue can regrow at anytime annoyingly, so in reality one never gets the all clear from this cancer actually (but we can ignore that fact, positive thinking is much more productive I find!). The GP was not a happy bunny to be asked if I could have these blood tests. He carefully explained to me that it was not legally acceptable for him to request a test which he could not interpret. I pointed out that I didn't need him to do that bit, the hospital would, but he was still very uneasy. I had asked the hospital for these tests but Ms oncology was on holiday and my cancer nurse had not been able to get a response from her to check if that was OK. As it happened, after I got home having had the blood tests at my GP surgery, my cancer nurse called me to say that she had had a response from Ms oncology and if I wanted the blood tests I could get them - so there we are. But very interesting to hear the legal implications. I can see now why, when I told the man (the original consultant that I saw who told me I didn't have cancer!) that I had asked my GP for my biopsy results, he got rather cross. As the man had done the biopsy procedure it was his responsibility to tell me the results and I guess legally the GP should not have done so. Anyway, I am very grateful for prior knowledge. The hospital take weeks to see people after they have had tests and procedures and it just makes the majority of us very anxious.
I think I have got verbal diarrhoea, must be the excitement/exhilaration. I can be "normal" again! Ms oncology is a funny chicken you know. Even when I said, wow I haven't got cancer any more she said no and you haven't got a thyroid any more - like that matters in the grand scheme of things.
So I now have some new drugs - plain old thyroxine which I only have to take once a day, hooray.
Ah, another amazing result. My beauty who sprained her knee whilst skiing last week when we were on holiday has been weight bearing this evening. She fell on the last run home on Saturday and ended up in the medical centre being fitted with a full leg brace and crutches. We will need to make sure that she doesn't over do it, but having to sit and watch her friends do PE today made her very sad.
Right, I am exhausted, going to get a redbush tea and get an early night.
Thank you all so much xx
I did have a sneak preview of today's news actually. Yesterday I went to visit another of my thyroid cancer friends in "the prison" and as I was getting there the medical physics mega brain lady had come too to take my friend's Geiger count readings. She asked me if I had had the results of my scan and I said no, I was having my appointment today. I went on to ask if she could give me any clues and she replied "no, you can wait for the surprise tomorrow". So, as she is the most lovely lady and wouldn't want to give anyone false hope, I was pretty sure that the news had to be good. Still I was rather nervous today all the same.
When I finally got to see Ms oncology today after the inevitable wait, she was very bouncy, quite like Tigger, seemed to be very pleased with herself that she was able to sort out everyone's problems when there were no other staff around. Hey, prior to that I was very bold and refused to go into one of the tiny consultation rooms to wait when asked by a nurse. Ms oncology had just passed through the waiting room and said she had an urgent matter to deal with and would be back shortly. Well I have spent far too long waiting in those little pokey, dismal rooms so asked if it was OK to wait in the waiting room. The nurse was rather nervous about that prospect but agreed finally. Note: Jane finds her voice!!!!! As it was, my sister and I would have waited in said pokey dismal room for 20 minutes, so very glad my voice was operational.
Ms oncology started off by asking me how it had all gone whilst I was preparing for my scan with the drug withdrawal - talk about keeping someone in suspense. She then went on to say it was all very surprising that the scan was clear, blah, blah, blah. Why she couldn't have just said - well I guess you would like to know that your scan was clear first is beyond me, but straight talking seems quite limited round the NHS system in general. The most straight talking I have experienced recently was from a GP who I had never met before at my local surgery.
I saw him to get some blood tests which will be used as a cancer marker baseline for my future blood tests which I will have for the rest of my life. Thyroid tissue can regrow at anytime annoyingly, so in reality one never gets the all clear from this cancer actually (but we can ignore that fact, positive thinking is much more productive I find!). The GP was not a happy bunny to be asked if I could have these blood tests. He carefully explained to me that it was not legally acceptable for him to request a test which he could not interpret. I pointed out that I didn't need him to do that bit, the hospital would, but he was still very uneasy. I had asked the hospital for these tests but Ms oncology was on holiday and my cancer nurse had not been able to get a response from her to check if that was OK. As it happened, after I got home having had the blood tests at my GP surgery, my cancer nurse called me to say that she had had a response from Ms oncology and if I wanted the blood tests I could get them - so there we are. But very interesting to hear the legal implications. I can see now why, when I told the man (the original consultant that I saw who told me I didn't have cancer!) that I had asked my GP for my biopsy results, he got rather cross. As the man had done the biopsy procedure it was his responsibility to tell me the results and I guess legally the GP should not have done so. Anyway, I am very grateful for prior knowledge. The hospital take weeks to see people after they have had tests and procedures and it just makes the majority of us very anxious.
I think I have got verbal diarrhoea, must be the excitement/exhilaration. I can be "normal" again! Ms oncology is a funny chicken you know. Even when I said, wow I haven't got cancer any more she said no and you haven't got a thyroid any more - like that matters in the grand scheme of things.
So I now have some new drugs - plain old thyroxine which I only have to take once a day, hooray.
Ah, another amazing result. My beauty who sprained her knee whilst skiing last week when we were on holiday has been weight bearing this evening. She fell on the last run home on Saturday and ended up in the medical centre being fitted with a full leg brace and crutches. We will need to make sure that she doesn't over do it, but having to sit and watch her friends do PE today made her very sad.
Right, I am exhausted, going to get a redbush tea and get an early night.
Thank you all so much xx
Wednesday, 4 April 2012
Job done!
There, that was easy!
Injection in arm, wait 3 hours whilst enjoying oneself, scan and done - bye...
When I got the opportunity today to eat the first real meal post diet I had crispy duck with pancakes etc., special fried rice and special udon noddles! Delicious - but groan what a big belly I have now!!!!
Snow White came with me today and we had a lovely time together, reminiscing in the hospital about her journey with cancer too and revisiting old haunts. Once the glowing injection had been administered we ran away into town, browsed and bought and ate as above. Then back for the scan. Thought I might get a lie down to let my lunch digest, but no. Had to sit bolt upright with my back to the scanner first, next stand bolt upright with my front pressed against the plate, then sit bolt upright with the back of my head pushing against some sort of support against the plate and finally sit with my nose touching the plate. So back, front, back, front, from top of head down to waist all scanned. Took about 5 minutes for each stage.
All I could see was glowing from my stomach and bladder which were now pretty full of food etc. So that was to be expected as the radioactive iodine hunted down any iodine thirsty tissue. As for my critical neck area, of course I was now unable to see the display screen as my head was pressed against the plate, so I have no clue at all if it was clear or not. The medical physics mega brain lady was as lovely as ever and of course not commenting, apart from to say that my original second treatment date had now been scrapped and depending on the result of the scans would be rebooked or not - role on the second option please. Have not had a date set for the results yet but praying that it is the 18th April so I don't have to wait too long. Will get a letter in the post I am assured with the date of appointment to find out - suppose I could always cheat and ask the doctor to read the report for me - we'll see how I feel on my return from skiing. Yes I know, off on my jolly hols on Sunday and thanks to the cold snap some fresh snow in the alps, please sun don't melt it all away before we've enjoyed some of it and my beauty has at least had a few days of fun learning to ski.
So back on the drugs too this afternoon, should start to pick up energy levels again and get back to full speed, without the need to be kept in fast mode ideally. I think I suffer a lot more from being speeded up rather than slowed down.
Can't begin to tell you how amazing God and my life has been recently. Am reaching new places I never knew before and it is so joyous! My heart is warmer and I am seeing life through a different lens - it makes an incredible difference to day to day life.
Went straight out again today after Snow White had dropped me home to a big get together meal prior to a Christian meeting. It was the best plan ever. I did feel very tired but at least I could just relax without feeling that I ought to be tidying up etc. etc. at home. It looks like a bomb went off at home - no change there then!!!! Not so sure what those tidying fairies are up to these days but they don't seem to come by here often.
Have got a free night tonight, my beauty having a sleep over at her Dads so was hoping for a lie in. The electrician had other ideas though as he decided to fit in my kiln supply work tomorrow starting at 8am -aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Better get to bed - booo
Thank you so much for holding me up in your prayers, I know you are, I can feel it.
Will be back when I have more to tell
xx
Injection in arm, wait 3 hours whilst enjoying oneself, scan and done - bye...
When I got the opportunity today to eat the first real meal post diet I had crispy duck with pancakes etc., special fried rice and special udon noddles! Delicious - but groan what a big belly I have now!!!!
Snow White came with me today and we had a lovely time together, reminiscing in the hospital about her journey with cancer too and revisiting old haunts. Once the glowing injection had been administered we ran away into town, browsed and bought and ate as above. Then back for the scan. Thought I might get a lie down to let my lunch digest, but no. Had to sit bolt upright with my back to the scanner first, next stand bolt upright with my front pressed against the plate, then sit bolt upright with the back of my head pushing against some sort of support against the plate and finally sit with my nose touching the plate. So back, front, back, front, from top of head down to waist all scanned. Took about 5 minutes for each stage.
All I could see was glowing from my stomach and bladder which were now pretty full of food etc. So that was to be expected as the radioactive iodine hunted down any iodine thirsty tissue. As for my critical neck area, of course I was now unable to see the display screen as my head was pressed against the plate, so I have no clue at all if it was clear or not. The medical physics mega brain lady was as lovely as ever and of course not commenting, apart from to say that my original second treatment date had now been scrapped and depending on the result of the scans would be rebooked or not - role on the second option please. Have not had a date set for the results yet but praying that it is the 18th April so I don't have to wait too long. Will get a letter in the post I am assured with the date of appointment to find out - suppose I could always cheat and ask the doctor to read the report for me - we'll see how I feel on my return from skiing. Yes I know, off on my jolly hols on Sunday and thanks to the cold snap some fresh snow in the alps, please sun don't melt it all away before we've enjoyed some of it and my beauty has at least had a few days of fun learning to ski.
So back on the drugs too this afternoon, should start to pick up energy levels again and get back to full speed, without the need to be kept in fast mode ideally. I think I suffer a lot more from being speeded up rather than slowed down.
Can't begin to tell you how amazing God and my life has been recently. Am reaching new places I never knew before and it is so joyous! My heart is warmer and I am seeing life through a different lens - it makes an incredible difference to day to day life.
Went straight out again today after Snow White had dropped me home to a big get together meal prior to a Christian meeting. It was the best plan ever. I did feel very tired but at least I could just relax without feeling that I ought to be tidying up etc. etc. at home. It looks like a bomb went off at home - no change there then!!!! Not so sure what those tidying fairies are up to these days but they don't seem to come by here often.
Have got a free night tonight, my beauty having a sleep over at her Dads so was hoping for a lie in. The electrician had other ideas though as he decided to fit in my kiln supply work tomorrow starting at 8am -aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Better get to bed - booo
Thank you so much for holding me up in your prayers, I know you are, I can feel it.
Will be back when I have more to tell
xx
Friday, 30 March 2012
Less than a week to go
Cold feet or not, I have stuck with the diet and doing no drugs is a blessing. No forgetting and remembering. Since my last blood tests came back good for calcium, I have given up 7 tablets, well I am actually having 2 a day as I am having hardly any milk products just now I thought it wise (hmm not the best sentence in the world, think a comma would it improve it but don't know where to put it!!).
The grumpiness of adapting to the diet turns into acceptance and in a lot of ways, probably a more healthy diet. Certainly involves cooking more which in it's own way is quite therapeutic. It's amazing what one can do with a chicken and it's bones - seems like an endless cycle.
We've had a poorly week for my beauty but there was no way she was going to miss school even though I think she would have been better off in bed yesterday!
Not too much to report then really, am hoping to find a companion to go to the hospital with me next week, better get on with that.
Sculptures progressing, still very exciting, though I am carefully ignoring the two large ones. One is hanging around in the front room precariously balanced on the coffee table and the other is two rolled out slabs languishing under a bed upstairs! Guess my reluctance is all around the "will it actually work" scenario and the fact that it will be fired in someone else's kiln, for good money and what if it all ends up as a slumped mess - egg on face etc. Got to get my bold, go for it attitude on and keep the faith, so far everything else has worked out, so why wouldn't this. Giving myself a quick pep talk here!!
Right the day is young, sun not shining today but it has been a glorious week.
Earlier in the week I cleared away the brambles round my heart, metaphorically and been opening it to God. For me this is so much more comfortable than thinking in my head, certainly the way forward for now.
Love to you all
x
The grumpiness of adapting to the diet turns into acceptance and in a lot of ways, probably a more healthy diet. Certainly involves cooking more which in it's own way is quite therapeutic. It's amazing what one can do with a chicken and it's bones - seems like an endless cycle.
We've had a poorly week for my beauty but there was no way she was going to miss school even though I think she would have been better off in bed yesterday!
Not too much to report then really, am hoping to find a companion to go to the hospital with me next week, better get on with that.
Sculptures progressing, still very exciting, though I am carefully ignoring the two large ones. One is hanging around in the front room precariously balanced on the coffee table and the other is two rolled out slabs languishing under a bed upstairs! Guess my reluctance is all around the "will it actually work" scenario and the fact that it will be fired in someone else's kiln, for good money and what if it all ends up as a slumped mess - egg on face etc. Got to get my bold, go for it attitude on and keep the faith, so far everything else has worked out, so why wouldn't this. Giving myself a quick pep talk here!!
Right the day is young, sun not shining today but it has been a glorious week.
Earlier in the week I cleared away the brambles round my heart, metaphorically and been opening it to God. For me this is so much more comfortable than thinking in my head, certainly the way forward for now.
Love to you all
x
Tuesday, 20 March 2012
Got cold feet
Tomorrow is the start of no drugs and special diet. Can't remember what I ate for the whole of the last 2 week low iodine diet. Better get thinking quick otherwise I am going to be very hungry!!
Now I am here I am not so sure I want to do it. When I was going through my big traumas about not wanting a second treatment and believing I was healed, I felt that I must just have the second treatment and trust that God would protect me from any harm from the treatment. BUT logically, having the whole body scan to check whether I actually need the second treatment makes sense, hence finding myself at the start of preparation for the said whole body scan to check. I am wobbling substantially.
Managed to get my hot yoga in today, only just though, had to put the current sculpture on pause. Was on a roll this morning creating one of the three that are currently under way. My teacher said just before half term that I was attempting something that was technically advanced and that I should seek advice from others who are doing similar stuff. As a result I have been in communication with an arts professor in the US who has been very generous sharing her knowledge and skills that she has developed whilst building pieces with similar techniques to that which I am using. Has been so helpful. The piece I finished today is called "Transformation". It is a set of strands a bit like a fibre optic lamp although lying down. The strands are all murky colours and in a tangled ball at one end and then each turns white and then ends as a different rainbow colour all spread out. I say finished, it is drying on the former I made for it, which is sitting on a small piece of kiln shelf so that it can be placed straight into the kiln without being handled.
Spent 3 and a half hours at the Hexagon tonight for a schools fundraising concert. My beauty sang well in the choir and the steel pans are always good. Some other items however were cringe worthy and even my beauty said some of the other singers were out of tune, oh yes they most certainly were! Tears at the very late bedtime of course and the rest of the week on trauma alert after such a late night - wooooopey, NOT.
So if I am going to take better care of myself, I will go to bed now.
Sleep well all
xx
Now I am here I am not so sure I want to do it. When I was going through my big traumas about not wanting a second treatment and believing I was healed, I felt that I must just have the second treatment and trust that God would protect me from any harm from the treatment. BUT logically, having the whole body scan to check whether I actually need the second treatment makes sense, hence finding myself at the start of preparation for the said whole body scan to check. I am wobbling substantially.
Managed to get my hot yoga in today, only just though, had to put the current sculpture on pause. Was on a roll this morning creating one of the three that are currently under way. My teacher said just before half term that I was attempting something that was technically advanced and that I should seek advice from others who are doing similar stuff. As a result I have been in communication with an arts professor in the US who has been very generous sharing her knowledge and skills that she has developed whilst building pieces with similar techniques to that which I am using. Has been so helpful. The piece I finished today is called "Transformation". It is a set of strands a bit like a fibre optic lamp although lying down. The strands are all murky colours and in a tangled ball at one end and then each turns white and then ends as a different rainbow colour all spread out. I say finished, it is drying on the former I made for it, which is sitting on a small piece of kiln shelf so that it can be placed straight into the kiln without being handled.
Spent 3 and a half hours at the Hexagon tonight for a schools fundraising concert. My beauty sang well in the choir and the steel pans are always good. Some other items however were cringe worthy and even my beauty said some of the other singers were out of tune, oh yes they most certainly were! Tears at the very late bedtime of course and the rest of the week on trauma alert after such a late night - wooooopey, NOT.
So if I am going to take better care of myself, I will go to bed now.
Sleep well all
xx
Monday, 19 March 2012
Oooooh goody!
Today is a good day. As a result of the first of last week's hospital appointments at which I requested a whole body scan to see if I really do need a second treatment or not, I have a date. Whole body scan will be Wednesday 4th April - injection of Iodine123 at 1pm, scan at 4pm. So starting on low iodine diet again this Wednesday and stopping my thyroid drugs - must remember not to go to hot yoga during this time. I will go tomorrow for my last fling I think.
Friday's hospital appointment was nearly a non-starter. I arrived at the West Berks hospital only to be told they had no record of me or the appointment I said I had and the consultant's secretary (when called) claimed no knowledge of the phone call she and I had had arranging the appointment! I thought the sister was about to section me for being mental and making it all up. However, thankfully they did see me, although Mr bowels was rather grumpy and was not impressed that the pain in my side had moved. Anyway he has referred me to the liver and gall bladder team (I trust, he said he would) and I wait to hear. Seems most likely the pain is from the gall stones and Mr bowels said if they remove my gall bladder he will take a look at my appendix at the same time and remove that too if it looks suspicious.
Today's hospital appointment was a complete joy. Ms speech and language was lovely. Fantastic at listening, assessing, reassuring, educating, all the things I hope for in a hospital specialist. She gave me a sheet of things to consider regarding self-help and offered me a therapy session next month to strengthen my nearly recovered voice. Hooray!
Then spent about 30 minutes waiting for the blood test service to drain my red stuff to check a whole assortment of body functions. Was good to have time to read the gutter press that was lurking around. Got back to my car to find what looked like a parking ticket - oh I should learn not to be so naughty. When I got home and read it properly it was just a warning this time - God is tres good, lesson learnt.
My sculpture test piece was sitting on my bench space this morning and I was very excited. It worked and all stayed in one piece. I spent the rest of the lesson preparing the clay for the final piece. Still not got it all ready - may do some this evening, ooooooooohhhhh exciting...
Right my beauty is mis-behaving, her Dad has just been to see her, so I will sign off now.
For those praying, having positive vibes etc., be assured that they do work and I would appreciate your support as I start the diet and drug withdrawal.
Love to you all
xx
Monday, 12 March 2012
Slight up turn here :)
Can't believe I just did a :) Not my style at all but hey, why not?!
Have to say feeling more up than down today, so that's good. Thank you for all your support.
Enjoyed family gathering to celebrate with my littlest niece who is most definitely gorgeous and had a fantastic roast too.
Went sculpting today and that did me the power of good. Trials in progress and brain drying ready for bisque firing.
Had a drive in my PC friends newly acquired camper van and it seems like a lot of fun.
Got a hamster - he can be known, Snowy! Guess what colour????? He seems very cute but needs to be tamed, he's got his 24 hour settling in period first though. Will my beauty be able to sleep whilst he runs amok all night in her bedroom - we wait to see... Just now he has moved his bed to one of the tunnels and is resting after his partial tour of his new residence. He is very fortunate to have a double size cage, but he is yet to venture into the round turret section.
So there we are, the studio is slowly taking shape and a kiln may be on it's way soon - hooray!
Been lovely to chat/eat/be with more of you lovely friends, I must keep it up, it helps keep me sane and increases my chance of putting my lost weight back on.
xx
Have to say feeling more up than down today, so that's good. Thank you for all your support.
Enjoyed family gathering to celebrate with my littlest niece who is most definitely gorgeous and had a fantastic roast too.
Went sculpting today and that did me the power of good. Trials in progress and brain drying ready for bisque firing.
Had a drive in my PC friends newly acquired camper van and it seems like a lot of fun.
Got a hamster - he can be known, Snowy! Guess what colour????? He seems very cute but needs to be tamed, he's got his 24 hour settling in period first though. Will my beauty be able to sleep whilst he runs amok all night in her bedroom - we wait to see... Just now he has moved his bed to one of the tunnels and is resting after his partial tour of his new residence. He is very fortunate to have a double size cage, but he is yet to venture into the round turret section.
So there we are, the studio is slowly taking shape and a kiln may be on it's way soon - hooray!
Been lovely to chat/eat/be with more of you lovely friends, I must keep it up, it helps keep me sane and increases my chance of putting my lost weight back on.
xx
Thursday, 8 March 2012
Pretty down
Well what can I say, I have felt down and rubbish for a while now. Having cancer is crap (excuse the language). Wish I could go back to the times since my diagnosis when I was successfully just getting on with life with a skip and a smile. What happened?
One thing that has struck me lately was the fact that when I was going through the ops and treatment I felt very uplifted and supported by all your prayers and positive vibes etc. Then as life got "back to normal" whatever that may be, I didn't write the blog and therefore felt out there on my own much more. I am sure many of you are still praying etc, for me, my beauty and family but I feel like I cut myself off. I can't do it on my own. I need you all.
I have been very sad about my special friend/surrogate Mum who died at the end of January. My counsellor suggested I write her a letter to express how I felt- I liked that idea a lot and wrote one earlier this week but it certainly made me cry a lot too. I bought some roses that we had on the table with some pictures of her for the day of her funeral as my beauty decided not to go in the end. It is now a whole calendar month since her funeral and some of them are still going strong - one has even grown a new bud!
I went on a quiet day today that some of my friends had organised. It was lovely to pray with them and be quiet. I went for a walk, it was beautiful and sunny, blossom breaking forth, red kites cruising around and squawking at each other, a cat carefully carrying a baby bird in it's mouth, birds singing their spring songs, many beautiful things.
I sat by the lake and wrote a poem.
At Peace
Geese shout their defence
Intuitively protecting their space
Loud, persistent
Clear, Assertive
But where's my voice?
Afraid to speak
Bottled up, ready to burst
Help me God
Hold me as I choose to value myself
Open my eyes
Open my mind
So much healing to be done
Bit by bit you free me to be me
Help me to love me just as you do
And so to be at peace
That's just where I am at. The background to this is the fact that the hospital have failed to get back to me about another issue. Finally thank God, I have managed to get an appointment to see a real life consultant. I have agreed to drive further than locally to see them but that way I get to see them quicker and hopefully gain some knowledge and understanding and some peace of mind.
Thank you for still being there for me xxx
One thing that has struck me lately was the fact that when I was going through the ops and treatment I felt very uplifted and supported by all your prayers and positive vibes etc. Then as life got "back to normal" whatever that may be, I didn't write the blog and therefore felt out there on my own much more. I am sure many of you are still praying etc, for me, my beauty and family but I feel like I cut myself off. I can't do it on my own. I need you all.
I have been very sad about my special friend/surrogate Mum who died at the end of January. My counsellor suggested I write her a letter to express how I felt- I liked that idea a lot and wrote one earlier this week but it certainly made me cry a lot too. I bought some roses that we had on the table with some pictures of her for the day of her funeral as my beauty decided not to go in the end. It is now a whole calendar month since her funeral and some of them are still going strong - one has even grown a new bud!
I went on a quiet day today that some of my friends had organised. It was lovely to pray with them and be quiet. I went for a walk, it was beautiful and sunny, blossom breaking forth, red kites cruising around and squawking at each other, a cat carefully carrying a baby bird in it's mouth, birds singing their spring songs, many beautiful things.
I sat by the lake and wrote a poem.
At Peace
Geese shout their defence
Intuitively protecting their space
Loud, persistent
Clear, Assertive
But where's my voice?
Afraid to speak
Bottled up, ready to burst
Help me God
Hold me as I choose to value myself
Open my eyes
Open my mind
So much healing to be done
Bit by bit you free me to be me
Help me to love me just as you do
And so to be at peace
That's just where I am at. The background to this is the fact that the hospital have failed to get back to me about another issue. Finally thank God, I have managed to get an appointment to see a real life consultant. I have agreed to drive further than locally to see them but that way I get to see them quicker and hopefully gain some knowledge and understanding and some peace of mind.
Thank you for still being there for me xxx
Friday, 3 February 2012
Hello, hello!
It's been too long I hear you cry?!
Well I am here again now and with nothing much to report, which must be a good thing I am sure.
I saw Mr Lovely last week and he said all my blood tests came back OK and my chest xray was clear! I knew all that because my GP told me when I went to see her. Anyway he's just doing his job and I suppose doing it well. The lady who sees me about my thyroid hormone levels was there too and I discussed again the possibility of having a whole body scan to see if I actually need the second radioactive iodine treatment in May. I was thinking that withdrawing from my drugs and going on the special diet for a couple of weeks was a small price to pay for the chance of not having the second treatment. She did remind me though that if I did need a second treatment then I would have to go through the drug withdrawal and diet all over again later.
The dilemma is this - I believe I have been completely healed of the cancer and don't wish to unnecessarily put my body through a treatment that has its own potential for causing a different cancer in the distant future. Mr Lovely could see my point and said he had a question to ask - if I didn't mind!! Would it be possible to have the scan and then the treatment straight away if I needed it, rather than have a two month gap, meaning only one period of drug withdrawal and diet. Apparently not, was the answer, though she did say she would check with the lady in medical physics. Money of course comes into it all too. What if I don't need the treatment when the scan comes back OK? They will then have prepared medicine that I did not need and it will be wasted. Mr Lovely then asked if I could have a PET scan instead but no, that does not show up thyroid tissue well enough to be sure. So there we are, I am stuck. Any thoughts gratefully received or wisdom from above etc.
I realise now that there has been quite an event since I last wrote. A very special friend of mine died of cancer last week. We knew she was terminally ill but when her time came, it seemed to come very quickly and quite horribly. Since being an adult, she is the first special person to have died in my life and it is all very sad. But somehow I feel completely detached too. The funeral is a non Christian cremation next week down in Poole and I have no idea how I will be. I have spoken to her husband on the phone and we both got tearful, she was a very special lady.
The fact she died of cancer has not been helpful for my beauty either, she instantly became concerned about me - quite understandably. Cancer is so common now but why? What is it that is causing all these normal cells to go crazy - the only thing that I can think of is mobile phones and wireless internet, signals flying around bombarding our bodies.
My beauty asked to go to the funeral straight away when I told her which is fine, but the draw of school and gym club that she would miss is strong. I hope whatever she decides that it gives her peace in her heart - we have decided to have some lovely flowers at home with some of her pictures to remember her by on the day - she loved flowers.
Life is so mixed, never a still moment, always new joys and challenges to face.
Voice news - Jane is back! Nearly all the time I sound exactly as I used to which is fantastic. I have even been asked if I would like to sing in a worship group which was lovely and yes I am going to. I find it amazing that when you receive an appointment to investigate a problem it disappears! Yes I have a speech and language appointment on the 16th of this month and an appointment in the chest clinic next Friday to investigate my shortness of breath which - yes you've guessed it - has all but disappeared.
I am very happy to be getting on with life again in a near normal fashion, apart from a horrendous memory issue! If anyone can tell me where my camera is and my Reading Leisure Card I would be most grateful! I had both earlier in the week and now, who knows? I certainly don't.
Love to you all, lightness is returning and though it is extremely cold, the weather has been beautiful.
xx
Well I am here again now and with nothing much to report, which must be a good thing I am sure.
I saw Mr Lovely last week and he said all my blood tests came back OK and my chest xray was clear! I knew all that because my GP told me when I went to see her. Anyway he's just doing his job and I suppose doing it well. The lady who sees me about my thyroid hormone levels was there too and I discussed again the possibility of having a whole body scan to see if I actually need the second radioactive iodine treatment in May. I was thinking that withdrawing from my drugs and going on the special diet for a couple of weeks was a small price to pay for the chance of not having the second treatment. She did remind me though that if I did need a second treatment then I would have to go through the drug withdrawal and diet all over again later.
The dilemma is this - I believe I have been completely healed of the cancer and don't wish to unnecessarily put my body through a treatment that has its own potential for causing a different cancer in the distant future. Mr Lovely could see my point and said he had a question to ask - if I didn't mind!! Would it be possible to have the scan and then the treatment straight away if I needed it, rather than have a two month gap, meaning only one period of drug withdrawal and diet. Apparently not, was the answer, though she did say she would check with the lady in medical physics. Money of course comes into it all too. What if I don't need the treatment when the scan comes back OK? They will then have prepared medicine that I did not need and it will be wasted. Mr Lovely then asked if I could have a PET scan instead but no, that does not show up thyroid tissue well enough to be sure. So there we are, I am stuck. Any thoughts gratefully received or wisdom from above etc.
I realise now that there has been quite an event since I last wrote. A very special friend of mine died of cancer last week. We knew she was terminally ill but when her time came, it seemed to come very quickly and quite horribly. Since being an adult, she is the first special person to have died in my life and it is all very sad. But somehow I feel completely detached too. The funeral is a non Christian cremation next week down in Poole and I have no idea how I will be. I have spoken to her husband on the phone and we both got tearful, she was a very special lady.
The fact she died of cancer has not been helpful for my beauty either, she instantly became concerned about me - quite understandably. Cancer is so common now but why? What is it that is causing all these normal cells to go crazy - the only thing that I can think of is mobile phones and wireless internet, signals flying around bombarding our bodies.
My beauty asked to go to the funeral straight away when I told her which is fine, but the draw of school and gym club that she would miss is strong. I hope whatever she decides that it gives her peace in her heart - we have decided to have some lovely flowers at home with some of her pictures to remember her by on the day - she loved flowers.
Life is so mixed, never a still moment, always new joys and challenges to face.
Voice news - Jane is back! Nearly all the time I sound exactly as I used to which is fantastic. I have even been asked if I would like to sing in a worship group which was lovely and yes I am going to. I find it amazing that when you receive an appointment to investigate a problem it disappears! Yes I have a speech and language appointment on the 16th of this month and an appointment in the chest clinic next Friday to investigate my shortness of breath which - yes you've guessed it - has all but disappeared.
I am very happy to be getting on with life again in a near normal fashion, apart from a horrendous memory issue! If anyone can tell me where my camera is and my Reading Leisure Card I would be most grateful! I had both earlier in the week and now, who knows? I certainly don't.
Love to you all, lightness is returning and though it is extremely cold, the weather has been beautiful.
xx
Tuesday, 10 January 2012
Happy New Year! Yup still here...
Today I decided that I needed a new attitude, a positive one and in the main I did very well.
Christmas and New Year went and even though I say it myself, I cooked a lovely Christmas dinner for 6 big ones and two little ones and we all got through the day unscathed. Life went rather down hill after that with a nasty flu/cold thing that ended up in my sinuses so I bothered my GP for some antibiotics in the end which do appear to be working finally.
Back to school for my beauty last Thursday and then her 8th birthday on Friday, party on Saturday. She was to say the least very excited! I was feeling very poorly but with her Dad now living locally, a quick call and he came to my aid.
When I saw the GP last week I asked for a print out of all my recent blood tests. I discovered that my T3 is pretty high which deters any thyroid tissue from regrowing but this is probably contributing to my feeling pants.
Yesterday I saw Mr Lovely (his charm is fading as time goes by - still lovely but he's not fixing me up as quickly as I'd like). He thought my blood tests were good, I said I thought not, he said we would not mess about at the moment with levels but try to find out why I feel so pants. So hundreds of blood tests and a chest xray later and me and my hospital companion are off and away in an hour for all three departments for lunch - very efficient.
I decided that my shortness of breath could well be anxiety related and having successfully cycled into town yesterday evening to see Shelock at the cinema without feeling any worse or short of breath, I decided to try some hot yoga this morning.
I am very pleased with myself - I did three quarters of a 45 minute session and only had to sit down once. Getting back into exercise and routine is the best cure for anything I reckon.
On another matter I am not very pleased with myself. My beauty has been complaining for a while that she couldn't read things that were far away that I could and I thought she was messing around. Finally though, to soothe her, I booked an opticians appointment. That took up most of after school today, an hour and a half to be precise. Turns out she is long sighted and because her eyes have been working so hard to compensate it initially appeared that she was short sighted. Thankfully the ophthalmologist was thorough though and decided the best way to be sure was to put in the drops that dilate the pupils, then she could have a look with her light.
Whilst we waited for the drops to work we went and sat back in the waiting room for about 15 minutes. I was reflecting on the fact that as a parent I hoped that she would have perfect health and functioning. But no, it would appear that she has inherited my eye sight and toes that bend up in the middle much to her dismay. This only made me wonder about the cancer of course - I know nothing is certain one way or another in life but I do feel a bit sad about it all.
Hmmmm, not a very cheery moment there.
Sculpture wise, my hands survived their first firing and are looking good. Decided I need to make a plinth for them so that they are safe. So plan in mind and woodwork skills being put to the test. I so love the sculpture, I could think about it all the time, research it, test things out....
One thing I have been so grateful about is that I am not going back to work. I realise now the last job drained the life out of me and I am so thankful to be blessed with the current security I have.
Praise God!
So there we are, a brief update, though it probably seems rather unbrief!
I'll be back soon, got another appointment on 26th Jan with Mr Lovely!
x
Christmas and New Year went and even though I say it myself, I cooked a lovely Christmas dinner for 6 big ones and two little ones and we all got through the day unscathed. Life went rather down hill after that with a nasty flu/cold thing that ended up in my sinuses so I bothered my GP for some antibiotics in the end which do appear to be working finally.
Back to school for my beauty last Thursday and then her 8th birthday on Friday, party on Saturday. She was to say the least very excited! I was feeling very poorly but with her Dad now living locally, a quick call and he came to my aid.
When I saw the GP last week I asked for a print out of all my recent blood tests. I discovered that my T3 is pretty high which deters any thyroid tissue from regrowing but this is probably contributing to my feeling pants.
Yesterday I saw Mr Lovely (his charm is fading as time goes by - still lovely but he's not fixing me up as quickly as I'd like). He thought my blood tests were good, I said I thought not, he said we would not mess about at the moment with levels but try to find out why I feel so pants. So hundreds of blood tests and a chest xray later and me and my hospital companion are off and away in an hour for all three departments for lunch - very efficient.
I decided that my shortness of breath could well be anxiety related and having successfully cycled into town yesterday evening to see Shelock at the cinema without feeling any worse or short of breath, I decided to try some hot yoga this morning.
I am very pleased with myself - I did three quarters of a 45 minute session and only had to sit down once. Getting back into exercise and routine is the best cure for anything I reckon.
On another matter I am not very pleased with myself. My beauty has been complaining for a while that she couldn't read things that were far away that I could and I thought she was messing around. Finally though, to soothe her, I booked an opticians appointment. That took up most of after school today, an hour and a half to be precise. Turns out she is long sighted and because her eyes have been working so hard to compensate it initially appeared that she was short sighted. Thankfully the ophthalmologist was thorough though and decided the best way to be sure was to put in the drops that dilate the pupils, then she could have a look with her light.
Whilst we waited for the drops to work we went and sat back in the waiting room for about 15 minutes. I was reflecting on the fact that as a parent I hoped that she would have perfect health and functioning. But no, it would appear that she has inherited my eye sight and toes that bend up in the middle much to her dismay. This only made me wonder about the cancer of course - I know nothing is certain one way or another in life but I do feel a bit sad about it all.
Hmmmm, not a very cheery moment there.
Sculpture wise, my hands survived their first firing and are looking good. Decided I need to make a plinth for them so that they are safe. So plan in mind and woodwork skills being put to the test. I so love the sculpture, I could think about it all the time, research it, test things out....
One thing I have been so grateful about is that I am not going back to work. I realise now the last job drained the life out of me and I am so thankful to be blessed with the current security I have.
Praise God!
So there we are, a brief update, though it probably seems rather unbrief!
I'll be back soon, got another appointment on 26th Jan with Mr Lovely!
x
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