If my friend Snow White can do this, so can I...

So, I am supposed to be writing my final assignment for my Post Grad Certificate in SENCo but all of a sudden writing a blog appealed!

Last year my friend Snow White wrote her blog about her journey with cancer and since I have now joined that bandwagon, I decided I would too - all in the spirit of "if you can't beat them, join them!!!!"

Where to start - hum, well my journey started last May (2010) when I looked in the mirror and noticed my neck appeared odd. Somehow the structure looked different. So reluctantly off I went to the doctor - not very good at that, would feel very silly being sent home and told it's absolutely nothing. Doctor takes a look and I am referred to see the thyroid man. Until now, I had no idea what a thyroid was all about really but after significant googling fast became more aware. As ever, referrals don't happen in a hurry, but finally I got to see "the man". All he could say for himself was "can I have a feel please" and then he told me he would take a biopsy. Thankfully Snow White had gone with me, because I was now rather anxious. Three stabs with a needle later and the biopsy was done and off I was sent for blood tests and an ultrasound scan. No discussion as such, very business like and pretty naff. Snow White is a first class companion though and can make me laugh in most circumstances so she made sure I was back on par. Of course no hurry for the scan, "there's a 4 week wait, we will ring you about a week before".

Days went by, no news, so I went to see my doctor and, as I remember, she accessed the hospital record for me and could happily tell me that the biopsy was benign. Ah, that was good. In the meantime I had discovered that thyroid issues were in my birth family - two of my half siblings had had similar issues and subsequent operations. Finally I was called for the ultrasound scan and of course it was when I was going to be at New Wine, so it was delayed by a week and coincided with Snow White's final chemotherapy. That was handy, two birds, one stone!

Scan day arrived. Lovely lady had a good look and found three nodules (lumps), the largest being 5cm x 4 x 3! So that was why my neck looked odd... For some reason she didn't look too happy but said the consultant would discuss what would happen next.

I have no idea how long it was before my next appointment, ah, yes I remember it was booked for about 6 weeks time but I was now quite uneasy about it all. I was encouraged to ask for prayer about it at Church and was so glad I did. I rang appointments on Monday after the prayers on Sunday and got a cancellation the following Tuesday - God is good!

Back to see "the man". Little conversation yet again and another biopsy. He only took samples from the largest nodule though and was not interested in the other two, even though they had appeared different on the ultrasound scan - I was not impressed. But hey, he's the specialist not me... I asked him how quickly I would get the results from him and when I told him that I had got the previous results from my doctor, he was not pleased - "that is not a good idea, they do not know what they are looking at, that's why you should wait to hear from us!".

Knowing that the hospital is not rapid with their news sharing, I returned to my doctor within the week and again received the good news that all was benign.

A couple of weeks later I finally had the hospital letter confirming what I already knew and then went to see "the man" again. First comment - "well it's not cancer, so that's all right. So I don't need to see you again." By now I am not at all happy with the attitude flying across the desk but I ask him if anything can be done about the lumps. I am informed that I could have surgery but that it is not necessary. I tell him that I probably would like surgery (given my half sibling's experiences) but I would like to wait a year as I had just started new job and university course. Off I went to get on with life, for now.....

2011 arrived and little thought of my thyroid lumps, too much stressing about job and course. Easter time now and looking in that mirror, hmmmmm, "does it look bigger?". I thought so and by now occasionally had tricky moments swallowing food, had a constant sore throat for months and my voice got tired by the evening time. Thinks, "perhaps I should bring forward my appointment - yes, no harm". Got a date of July 19th, very near the end of term, but then had a letter out of the blue telling me that the 19th was cancelled and I should go on the 5th July instead. Odd I thought but hey ho.

July 5th 2011 - to see "the man"! Took another friend this time as Snow White was now well and truly entrenched back in her full time job. Thankfully she too is good with the wit, so I felt OK. I was very brave and I said I would like surgery as I thought the lump had got bigger. He had a look and didn't really comment and then proceeded to tell me all the hideous things that can go wrong with thyroid surgery. I asked how long the wait was, only to be informed that the NHS does not work like that any more, he looks in his diary proposes a date and we negotiate from there - wow, that told me. However I was not put off (though it was a close call) and having read the three page document specifying what he had told me, I was then required to sign it. Done. But boy was I nervous. Back to his desk and my friend tells him she is impressed by the depth of information on the disclaimer but would have liked a diagram so she understood it all! SILENCE. "the man" types on keyboard and asks "do you know how to use these computers, have you heard of mr google?" As it happens my friend runs her own PC repair business and remained surprisingly cool and calm. He then proceeded to show us numerous diagrams on his PC and explains the surgery with great enthusiasm (he has a reputation for being an excellent surgeon with hopeless bedside manners - yes don't we know that). It was as it happens very useful and reassuring. So date, 5th August? No I will be at New Wine (again - it's good you know, I'd recommend going). How about 19th August. Yes. Done. See you then. You can go for pre-op now.

Pre-op was closed. Told would get a call to come in. Weeks passed - no call. Lots of doubts about having the surgery, terrified of out of controlness of anaesthic. Finally I rang to ask about pre-op stuff to be told my appointment is in two days time. No one thought to tell me and I was going away. So pre-op and vocal chord check would be immediately I returned from New Wine, a week before surgery. Still very nervous.

Two holidays later and now I am really psyching myself up and trying to be cool. Plans made for my beautiful girl to be looked after by her Dad whilst I am in hospital overnight and then during the week whilst I recover at my parents.

Snow White is a complete star and offers to take me in and see me when I get back up on the ward. The night before I stayed at Mum and Dads and what a good job I did. My beauty was distraught saying goodbye the night before and I couldn't have dealt with that just before my op.

Snow White turned up the next morning and off we went.  She had bought a bag of her infamous sock monkeys to sew and it was a fantastic distraction. I was first on the list, should be going to theatre at 8.30am - hooray no time to wait around. Oh no - we can't find your notes, you will have to be second, about 10am -booooooo. One chat later with the anaesthetist, then another with "the man". He was not happy without my notes and I was trying to persuade him to remove all my thyroid not just the half with the biggest lumps but he wasn't having any of it. If he left the other half, I would not need to be drug dependent all my life. If I need another op later so be it! That told me - again. Fancy stockings and gown on and off I go to theatre. So nervous I get the shakes and feel freezing cold waiting in the pre-theatre room so am given three blankets and some general chit chat from the nurse waiting with me helped me to stop shaking. Next I know I am offered a gin and tonic and gone, out for the count.

Duly informed it had all gone well and got taken to the ward just before 2pm as the recovery room had got full. High as a kite and pretty perky. My sister arrived, closely followed by my beauty and her Dad, so plenty to chat about, throat rather croaky but manageable. Tired by 4pm so they left and a quick nap followed by Snow White on top form. I managed to tuck into my hospital dinner and it all successfully got swallowed whilst Snow White entertained the other punters in my bay. Mum and Dad came for the late shift and all was well. The man from the hospital radio came and three of us on our bay had records played for us, so that made some more time go by. Unfortunately nights on wards are often bad and this was no exception. The lady opposite me was very poorly, high on morphine and spent most of the hallucinating and calling out. When morning came it was a relief. So two lots of blood test for me 9am and 3pm and if I pass both I could get out as long as I return in the morning for another blood test. Success, I am given the blood OK message at 4pm and am released into the real world again. My sister took me back to my parents, waited on me hand and foot and there I stayed for the week.

My beauty found it very tough but it was the best thing for me. Gentle walks, bits of this and that and lots of lovely home cooked food. Just what the doctor ordered. Recovery going very well as far as I could tell, scar healing nicely. So, first jaunt in the car, 26th Aug, one week after op and I safely drove myself home. I returned to a waft of delicious food as my sister, my beauty and her Dad were busy cooking masses of meals for the freezer - how excellent was that!

One week left of school holidays went OK and then a weekend break as a treat before returning to school. No school for me yet though - still signed off sick.Got a phone call this Monday asking me to attend a clinic this Thursday. I never thought to ask why, just got the impression that the clinic I was supposed to go to had been altered for some reason. No problem, Thursday it is then. Tuesday (6th Sept) to the doctor to get sick note. Hey thought I, whilst I am here I will ask if histology report is available on the system. Yes, there it is. Doctor sits and reads, dead pan face, no body language to read, and then some vague words about cancer. WHAT? that wasn't in the plan. I went and had elective surgery and then I hear that word. Brain now foggy, had a whole list of other ailments to discuss which I did and then off I went having been told that thyroid cancer is curable etc. etc. etc. I told some people, asked my computer friend if she would go with me to the clinic on Thursday, yes, great, thanks and then lost my nerve - did I hear right, perhaps I got it wrong, hmmm better keep quiet for now. Snow White was a darling and dashed over to spend the evening with me. Was lovely, plenty of laughs.

So today I thought I'd better just ring the doctor to ask her to tell me again what she said yesterday. She rang back very quickly and said she'd print out the report and then when I could get to the surgery she would go through it with me and that's what happened. She was brilliant. I now have the two page report. It does not say what I wanted it to say but it is true, I have cancer. I am trying to say it a lot because I can't take it in really.

One person said today, wow that's a sentence. I am very clear that I do not have a sentence - it is just a blip! I have much more of life to live yet and a whole lot more sculpture to enjoy doing - so there.

Prayers welcome, any amount, any time, God has been very good and will no doubt continue to be so.

Gosh that was a lot, don't worry, there won't be so much next time - I promise x