Good friends - big chocolate!

What can I say, I positively know that people are reading my blog because I am receiving delicious chocolate parcels - thank you lovely friends!

Generally eaten like a horse today - had a massive plate of spa salad and then one of Mum's dinners this evening. Now will shortly be broaching my chocolate stash with some redbush tea.

The spa was amazing today - it was like being on the Mediterranean. My friend and I bagged two sun loungers and lounged. Dip in the pool, lounge, dip, lounge, float, eat, lounge, snooze, read, steam, shower, products... Not necessarily in that order but just bliss. Even remembered drugs at nearly the right time.

So that was today.

Yesterday I was challenged to think about my blog writing. Interesting, seems that I only write when I feel I have the energy and it was suggested that I try writing it when I don't feel like doing it, so that I can experience being fully me - well I think that was what my friend was getting at!

I also got myself a haircut and the promised tiffin and accompanying salad and ginger beer which I enjoyed in the Forbury Gardens. I even managed a snooze in the sun there too. Then cycled home along the Thames. It seems that this made me extremely breathless and stole my voice. How the two are connected I am not quite sure but puzzling nevertheless.

Thoughts of hospital are dimming which is nice (rubbish word but hey ho!). Got my next event there on Monday when I will have my sore tummy issue scan and then my follow up from surgery and introduction to my next consultant, Mr radioactive, on Thursday.

Still have 3000 words to write of "the essay". Pooh, don't want to do it, can't get motivated, but don't want to waste a year of hard work. Must find out when the hand in date is - that will spur me on - maybe???

Chocolate and tea anyone? If you would like to join me, do pop in
xx

Home again, home again, jigety jig

I am now home and I did miss my beauty, who is delighted that I am back and had made me a lovely welcome back card!

Hospital news - had my blood test at 8.40am to make sure that the results were available this afternoon at the clinic. Had forgotten that my lovely man would, of course, be doing surgery this afternoon, as it is now exactly a week since my op, so I was attended to by the very young lady who needed to ask the mystery man what they should do about my medication. Thankfully my calcium is on it's way back to being normal - so that is great news. My thyroid hormone levels though leave a lot to be desired and from my one tablet a day, I have now gone to three a day. So that's a total of 10 tablets a day for now - must keep track...

I think my sense of humour is missing in action. I don't feel really poorly but I just feel average along with tired and not at all motivated. It is annoying.

The time I had at Mum and Dads was fantastic, they just let me be, fed me, asked if there was anything they could do for me and I feel so blessed. The weather has been great too, I spent a lot of this morning sitting in the sun by the pond just letting life go by, reading a book.

Very much back to reality now. There were quite a few clothes strewn about the house on my return which I gathered together and washed. Fruit supplies to be replenished. New fluorescent tube required for the kitchen - domestic bliss at it's height!

Whilst sitting watching TV tonight, I reminded myself that I have thyroid cancer - I still can't really get a handle on that. It is an odd blip to be experiencing. I read in my thyroid book this evening about a lady who had thyroid cancer too, who struggled to get her head around the fact that she never knew what her thyroid was all about until it went wrong and then it was removed and it was like she had to grieve for something she never knew... I don't think I am feeling like that, perhaps I am in some ways - who knows? I really don't think I do just now.

So my planned visitor for tomorrow has been postponed due to potential germs which I am trying to avoid, but I am getting my hair cut, which will be good. My hair dresser is Italian with a fantastic accent, is most intellectual and we always enjoy stimulating debate and discussion. He followed his heart not his head and I admire and respect him for that.

During my time in hospital I lost half a stone and now wish to put that weight back on, so I am endeavouring to eat some calorie rich food - am thinking a piece of my favourite tiffin from town tomorrow would be good. I had a delicious Krispy Kreme doughnut tonight after dinner - yum! Got some chocolate to get through as well, so might just go and get some.

This blog business seems very helpful for those who are continuing to pray for me and my nearest and dearest as it gives a focus - thanks to you all for your support.

Chocky here I come - night all
x

Today I am "billy lots of mates"!

Set my alarm for just before 8am and got a GP slot at 11am. Made sure my list of questions was comprehensive, enjoyed a very leisurely breakfast and bath and was given a lift. Waiting, waiting, waiting, 45 minutes later and I get the call. So my calcium level has dropped more since last Thursday and the GP didn't really know what to do about it! She made a guess about taking some more of my chewy calcium tablets, said I should have another blood test on Thursday and then asked that I call the hospital to check if that was OK!!!!

I was not particularly impressed at this point but ran through my list whilst I had her attention. She did manage to do well on sorting me out some waterproof dressings, so that is good. The histopathology report was not on the system yet so that will have to wait.

Well I went to find Mum for a lift home and told her what I had been advised. She suggested I pop into the ward at hospital to discuss my calcium issue and then I remembered that my lovely man has a clinic on a Monday morning, so I decided to gate crash that. Of course the lady on reception was not very willing to just let me gate crash, but it's not what you know, it's who you know and when I spotted my cancer nurse and said hello and why I was there, and the pre-op nurse asked why I was there, the doors suddenly opened before me! Along with that the lovely man walked through the waiting room and spotted me and before I knew it I was in the office with the nurse and him discussing what needed to be done. He told me all about critical levels of calcium and basically I am not needing aggressive treatment, just a little vitamin D to help me absorb the calcium. So another blood test on Wednesday morning and to see him in the clinic Wednesday afternoon - he is rather lovely and I certainly don't mind waiting to see him again!!

Annoyingly though, I had to go to the hospital pharmacy to get my new drugs and that took an age...

Finally got home, quick delicious home made soup for lunch then the visits began! Friend from my beauty's school first, then my beauty and her Dad (we played Junior Monopoly and she won thank goodness), my sister next and just now another friend has turned up.

Most go.... Got a late night pass out too
x

I am a Weeble!

Wobbling all the way...

Can't really put my finger on why I feel so pathetic, uhm no not quite the right word, certainly tired is one of my states of being, stationary, yes that's it, unable to move very far.

I knew I was getting the offer of a lift this morning to the hospital for my blood test, so I had to shift myself into gear which I did pretty successfully. Didn't have to wait too long for the nurse to take my blood and she assured me that my voice would get better in time. Then the steady walk back up the hill to Mum and Dads. Was feeling particularly "billy no mates" when a car pulled across the road and there was one of my lovely friends from Church to say hello and see how I was getting on as she was on her way to Church. Certainly put a smile on my face and reminded me that God even hears the tiny cries too.

Rang my PC friend on my return to see how her poorly toe was doing and she said she'd be round to see me soon - fab. It was such a lovely sunny day, we sat by the pond and watched the fish as they jostled for the food and then decided to do a jigsaw puzzle. Oh what fun we had! I know it all sounds a bit dodgy but it was fun. Then my beauty and her Dad appeared for one of Mum's delicious Sunday roasts which my PC friend stayed for too - a happy bunch we were. All this excitement completly wore me out though and on our return from the park all I could manage was snoozing.

Last time I had the op, I bounced back like Tigger and I want to feel the same. I am cross that I don't and now I have written all this, I suppose I do feel pathetic, wimpy, just not able to get it together at all, well at least for any length of time. I know this is to be expected etc. etc. but I am not a very good patient, I have life to live and I want to feel energised and raring to go, not like a slug.

So tomorrow, I will see my GP and see what she has to say about it all. I will also ask if the histopathology report is available to see what they found in the remaining half of my removed thyroid. Thankfully my MRI scan had shown no other neck issues or lymph node troubles, hence just 30 minutes for the op.

Nothing else to report, my beauty was rather upset but she has had a lovely weekend and the thought of going home without me was a bit much and then all her wobbles about school came up again.

Nevertheless, we are both still standing, as good Weebles do!
Night all
x

Forget the former things...

Last night I was feeling sorry for myself. I am not happy about having cancer, it is a label with so many generally negative connotations. It feels like my body has been taken away from me in a moment. I used to know all it's little ways, what this ache meant, why I was feeling good or not so good in myself, how I could improve my state of mind, many things about my being.

Then part of me is physically removed and I feel completely in the dark about what is happening to me. The chemical balance has been altered and somehow over the next weeks and months we have to find the right levels of drugs to get the balance right again. In the meantime I feel unsure about why I have this sort of pain, why I feel like that, should I say something, will it go away, why can't things be how they were before?

These words then came to me - Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Certainly encouraging, but where are they from? I quickly googled them and sorted - Isaiah 43:18,19. It continues...
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
I am not about to start preaching, so please don't give up on me now - but for me, I am reminded that God loves me more than I can ever know and that he will provide "streams in the wasteland". These can be the simplest things which are such a blessing to me right now, the time to be looked after by my family and know that my beauty is being equally well looked after, visits and messages of love and support from my friends, peace and quiet and greatly reduced responsibilities give time for healing.

I have just tried my voice out for the first time this morning - seems a little easier so that is good. It is quite a physical effort to talk at the moment. My wound seems very neat, quite a different dressing from last time. Last time I had a large clear piece of sticky back plastic over the scar so I could see what was happening and I was told it could come off after 5 days. This time I have a narrow strip of flesh coloured sticky plaster on it which I have been told would be good to keep on for two to three weeks, thereby giving me hopefully a slimmer and less obvious scar. So I will do my damnedest to take that advice. Next week I am off to the spa so have been investigating options for covering up my dressing with something waterproof. I have of course googled extensively and found what I think to be a great solution. Just have to get the doc to write me a prescription for some fancy sticky back plastic jobs that have a foam pad so that my original dressing does not stick to the sticky back plastic and I should be sorted!

Next hospital visit is tomorrow for bloods and then I see the GP on Monday to see if my calcium levels are improving.

Think that's it for now - better get some breakfast
x

Done!

So I am back in the real world staying with my parents for a while whilst I recover.

How did it go? I hear you ask. Fine as far as we can tell and according to the lovely man it only took him 30 mins! So that's it, thyroid gone - forever and now I have a new friend for life - thyroxine, the thyroid replacement hormone.

So that's the overview - here's the details. My lovely PC friend arrived at my parents just before 7.30am on a grey Wednesday morning to take me to the hospital. Seems there was quite a few of us having surgery, 7 in all and I was number 6 on the list. Time passed sitting in the day room and we get chatting. Made friends with another lady, same age, similar interests etc. and we sat and bemoaned the fact that we were both there due to doctor error!!!! She was number 7 on the list and was told her surgery could take upto 5 hours - glad I was me at that point. Gradually we were both seen by the lovely consultant, the anaesthetist and the nurse and then told we would not be in theatre until the afternoon! So that's no food since 9pm night before and nothing to drink since 6.30am and waiting until the afternoon. My stomach tried to eat itself!

Time ticked by and the 2 hours parking came round so my friend went and moved the car and then suggested we went to the museum opposite the hospital - fab idea! Got the OK from the officious nurse having given her my mobile number and off we trot. What a great distraction and a very interesting visit, followed by a quick coffee in the cafe - for my friend, not me, nil by mouth you know - still!

So back on the ward at midday and my friend decided to get back to work - I now of course had a new hospital friend, mrs no 7 on the list!! Staff came and went, more time passed and finally I think about 2.40pm I was escorted to theatre, only to find that the nurse had failed to give me my pre-meds and it was far too late for them!!!! She wrote an apologetic note to send to theatre and then mumbled something about patients not staying in their room.... What sort of excuse was that, every other nurse had managed to find me in the day room directly opposite my single ensuite room.

Mr anaesthetic was lovely and the theatre nurse was a Christian so we briefly shared our church details etc. and that was a great reassurance to me. I had a little sleepy stuff in the back of my hand and then the gas mask! I think I then spent a short time ranting about "the man" whilst I was drifting off...

I awoke later in recovery but was very groggy and was taken back to my room, still completely out of it to see my sister waiting for me - that was lovely. Felt rough, had drip in still which was precariously balanced on top of the wall mounted TV as they didn't have a drip stand! Kept having observations every 15 mins and gradually I came round. My beauty and her Dad then came and it was lovely to see her and then Mum and Dad came for the last slot of the evening. Then decided I would try some soup - bad plan, was doing very well when nausea and headache hit and I continued to feel like that for the next 4 - 6 hours. That was bad, bad, bad. About 2am I finally felt more human and got a little sleep. I think the combination of painkillers had made me feel gross. Woken at 6.50am for obs that should have been done every 4 hours in the night but weren't.

Morning hospital routines then kick into action. Breakfast was two weetabix with gallons of milk to soften it and very slow and careful tiny mouthfuls so as not to choke myself. Mug of tea was delicious but again had to remember not to swig too much as my body seemed to have forgotten how to coordinate breathing and swallowing! My throat was definitely much more delicate than last time and my voice more hoarse but as least I had a voice as the junior doctor went on to say on his rounds - hum very positive! Then a little chat about low calcium from previous nights blood test which the nurse had called the doctor about in the night. The consensus had been to have a supplement with breakfast but the junior doctor knew better and declined such a thing. However, the lovely man came to see me after his morning surgery and deemed it necessary for me to have calcium as my morning blood test was still low. So 6 chewy calcium tablets for me a day for now, blood test again on Sunday and then the GP can decide on Monday whether I need to stay on the calcium or not.

Drugs round and I got to meet my new friend - currently liothyronine 20 micrograms. For the tekkies, this is T3 which I believe I will be on until withdrawal prior to my radioactive iodine treatment in november. After that I will be on a T4 replacement I think.

Got news that if the lovely man happy then I can go home after lunch - which he was. So I go and swap notes with my neighbour who in the end was only in surgery for 2.5 hours but she had big cuts in the right side of her face to fix her saliva glad tumour issue along with a drain - I had it easy obviously! She was woozy and wobbly and stayed another night - I am very glad that wasn't me. At least she was told all the tumour was gone and hopefully in two weeks she will get the all clear. We will both be at our follow up appointments so hopefully we'll be able to catch up then with our progress.

Finally I get discharged and my drugs get delivered. Instructions given and off I go with my sister. Thank goodness that's over!

Thanks for praying and positive vibes etc. Keep them coming and hope to see some of you soon too
x

Busy, busy...

For info after a few enquires, the MRI scan is for surgery planning, so I was informed.

Anyway, been far too busy for all that technical stuff. The first session at my new pottery class sent me to a whole new world of excitement. This will also be my motivation for getting back to life again - you can't start a class and then be off for weeks - that's wrong! I was making plans for the colours on my globe and how I might glaze it and I made a forearm which I mounted my hand onto, looks pretty good so far.

Enjoyed lunch with the littlest hobo of the family, she is a lot of fun to be around and still tucks under the arm nicely when carting her around. She decided that puree was not good but pizza crust was and gummed many a piece to soggyness.

Another good lunch today so all fed and ready to go tomorrow morning. Very tired now, but just happy that the inevitable is nearly here and we can get the job done. In 24 hours time it will have been chopped out and I will be recovering - hooray.

Short of funny stuff tonight - anyone else got something funny to add?
Be back after surgery - ttfn
x

I'm back - did you miss me??!!

Well what a busy weekend. Just back from girls camp, the first of it's kind put on by my church. We had 21 girls and 9 leaders and it was in my opinion fantastic!

So what of my health news. Had my pre-op checks: weight, height, blood pressure, pulse, nasal hairs - hah just seeing if you were still paying attention! Then went for a quick ecg and bob's your uncle, he's not mine, all done and ready to go for wednesday. Uh oh, don't mention that day - I am beginning to feel jittery on and off.

Reading that back I just made myself laugh...

Trying to keep other events at the forefront of my mind and focus to distract myself. I am very excited about tomorrow, it is my first session at my new clay sculpture class locally. I am going to take my globe to discuss glaze possibilities and hopefully continue with the hands and forearms that I am making to mount the globe on.

I have two lunch treats and am looking forward to seeing various family members, especially the newest member of the family. She is an absolute delight, hoping she will chat with me a bit more tomorrow.

My beauty enjoyed the weekend too, though she had a difficult moment at school on Friday. Got upset about me, but by all accounts her teacher took good care of her.

Please keep praying/sending positive vibes/or whatever it is you may do at times like this. It is fantastic to know that my family and friends are so lovely and supportive and gives me the confidence to keep smiling!

x

Beautiful sunsets rule!

Looking out of my office window, I can see the most beautiful colour skies as the sun sets - a great end to a good day.

Getting motivated this morning was not easy, succumbed to an hour and a quarter of day time TV - what will become of me? Finally got on with sorting out paperwork, making phone calls, rearranging stuff that I will not be able to do next week. The post arrived with official notification of MRI scan and details of what to do - got to turn up early to fill in forms - oh no better get going...

Arrived to find my friend already settled into the waiting room and they were expecting me. Chose the music I'd like to have on whilst scanning, did lots of ticking yes/no. Then I was escorted out of the hospital because I was a naughty girl - no, no, no, because the scanner was in a lorry trailer parked outside!!

Had to remove all metal stuff, good bye teeth (4 falsies you know on a metal frame!), good bye glasses, good bye hoody. Into the scan room, pretty tight on space, shoes off, lay down here, without banging head on head frame, careful now. Clunk, yes banged head! Head strapped down, guard over face then accompanying guard type thing on my neck. Don't whatever you do move. Headphones on with my choice of radio 2.

MRI scanners are very noisy but somehow I managed to fall asleep - result! Part way through I had some dye injected into my arm but I didn't really wake up for it. I just remember some vague mumblings about, arm out, sharp scratch, you may feel...... My arm was plonked back onto my tummy as I continued to doze and the final scans were done. I was so sleepy when it finished I thought I couldn't get up. I felt incredibly heavy. Forty minutes passed in a moment, then off for a bite to eat with my accompanying friend before picking my beauty up from school.

It was after school gardening club today and we had lots of fun weeding and digging for potatoes - very satisfying!

I feel so lovely this evening, happy, free even, I can highly recommend it!
x

Oh dear - I lost track of time!

Must have chilled today, just realised it is officially Thursday - ooops!

The retreat day was lovely, slow, caring, sunny and yummy. Wrote a poem after the meditation we did, it was very powerful.

Home to find a message on phone asking me to go for an MRI scan tomorrow lunchtime - there goes the lunch plan I had lined up. Never mind, friend offered to go with me even though she will be sitting and waiting for most of the time, so that is comforting. Don't remember being told I would have one of those, was expecting an ultrasound but hey I am a good patient - well I could be better (rubbish at taking my iron tablets) and will do as I am told!

Not much else to report really. Had some tears today and down times but overall feeling upbeat again.

God's still here keeping a close watch and hand on everything
Off to bed now
x

Wibble, wobble, wibble, wobble, jelly on a plate

Oh I have hit "the wall". Feeling particularly pants tonight. Freaked myself out reading things about the radioactive iodine treatment and other thyroid cancer people's journeys. Think I might have also overdone my exercise plan - two days in a row at yoga has disagreed with me!

So thankfully tomorrow I am off on a Women's day of encouragement - just the ticket, I hope. I will slow down, enjoy the beautiful surroundings and generally have a lovely day if it is anything like the last one.

Positive note - my beauty has gone to bed for the last two nights quite contentedly.

Keep praying or your equivalent, I will for you all too xx

Happy Days

So Sunday was a tummy pain free day and that was excellent!

Friends at Church supportive and generally lovely. Quick stop off at my sisters to collect the Macmillan booklet about Thyroid Cancer with the comment "that was really helpful". Result! Then on to Mum and Dads for the traditional Sunday roast, which as ever, was delicious and totally nutritious - I feel then that at least Juliette and I are getting one "proper" meal a week. They seemed to appreciate being offered the booklet too, so that was good. Flying visit to the park, terminated by a sudden downpour but refreshing being out in the sun, wind and rain. Tea and cake, followed by a visit to see Snow White.

Snow White a busy lady, but good to catch up with latest news etc. Home and early to bed for my beauty, off to school in the morning again.

Unfortunately my beauty did not find the whole truth so easy to take as it originally appeared. On Saturday she completely went to pieces as she got into bed and yesterday was just as bad. Poor girl, she is so worried about us being separated. She now has what she describes as tummy wiggles when she worries. The best medicine for such upset seems to be big hugs and a patient listening ear, straight forward answers to questions and lots of reassurance.

Today I tried to ignore the alarm clock and then had to hurry my beauty along with breakfast etc. Another sore night but ibuprofen seemed to ease the situation thankfully. So now my beauty is old enough, in my opinion, to walk to school with one of our neighbours children on their own, so I feel quite cut off from school, and I don't even have to get dressed first thing - this is definitely a bad thing! I could happily bumble around in my dressing gown for a whole day!

Anyway I decided that if I am going to be out of action for a week or two after next Wednesday, I need to get my physical fitness back to it's pre-op (middle of August) state. So threw some clothes on and hurtled off on my bike to hot yoga. Phew made it and actually got through a whole hour without a single unallowed rest, must be doing well. Will try and fit in another session this week too.

Collected my beauty from school, given a lovely CD by another Mum, and then persuaded that we must go swimming as a friend was going. OK but tight schedule ahead. Home, get stuff, swim, out in 40 mins, home, dinner on, eat and out to dentist for 5.35pm. Amazingly we did actually manage all that and my beauty was very brave having her first ever injection for a filling. All done, home, bath, hair wash and bed for beauty. Then my PC friend popped in and we had a good chin wag.

Wow, I am pretty much loving being back to full action again, must cram in as much as possible before next Wednesday. So much to look forward to - very excited about going to my first pottery class in new venue next Monday morning.

Praise God for so much life to live. Night all x

Late evening, feeling happy

Don't know why but feeling proper happy.

For those who are still shocked, concerned, freaked out, fearful etc. etc., my cancer is curable in the majority of cases and I should receive the all clear by Christmas. So roll on Christmas -aaaagh presents to think about then x

It never rains, but it pours, but there was still a beautiful rainbow!

Day 4 after diagnosis, not the best day in the world. Right now, sitting here typing though, the day got a whole lot better and it has just been capped off by a beautiful rainbow!

Yesterday was not too good either, decided I definitely never wanted to be in the new club I have joined.Nevertheless, having had my myriad of questions that I fired at my cancer nurse answered so efficiently and helpfully, she pointed out that by the time I need holiday insurance for my skiing trip next year I will have had the all clear and be able to get holiday insurance like a normal fully functioning human being - good, I look forward to that.

I have had another health irritation for some time too, a pain in the region of my appendix. This particular malaise was investigated by the application of a good prod by yet another consultant at the RBH on Monday (day before diagnosis of cancer day) until I went "ow, yes that's where it hurts! Yes and it still hurts because you are still pressing it, that's enough now". Well no definite conclusion, just sent off for an ultrasound scan which will happen in about 4 weeks. How this is all going to fit in with every other appointment goodness knows but I am certainly becoming very familiar with lots of the hospital. Anyway, the reason for mentioning this particular pain is that it often wakes me in the night, which of course is not good for sleep but generally by morning it has settled again and I have had pain free days. But now, it seems to be dragging on into the day more. So yesterday morning I had to force myself to eat breakfast which I managed slowly and gradually the pain went away.

Unfortunately my bright eyed and bushy tail approach to the cancer also waned somewhat and I didn't even get dressed until I had to leave to have lunch with my sister. It was great to see her, lunch very tasty and she treated me to my favourite pasta dish that she makes. We then had a lot of fun erecting her new tent in the garden. Instructions said 20 mintues, so of course we had to time ourselves and we made it in 16 - ha, we're good! (well none of the guy ropes had been done but it stood up perfectly).

Ever since Thursday when I was given the plan of action for surgery, treatment etc. I have been rescheduling life. So many phone calls, all three of my walk about phones died at some point during the day. I have now sorted out a 5 week extension for my essay with a capped mark of 50% which is a pass and absolutely fine by me. Must just remember to do it, otherwise I fail... Told work the news and said I wouldn't see them for a while yet - that felt good, one less stress.

So today Saturday, here we are again. Awoke with the tummy pain and felt positively ill for most of the day. Had to force down breakfast and lunch but somewhere in the later afternoon, the pain lifted and I felt like a new person. Pasta and sauce went down with great glee this evening and now I have a new spring in my step.

Despite feeling rough, my beauty and I have had a lovely day. Started with Horrid Henry movie in the kids am cheap viewing, then en route home, detoured along the canal towpath on our bikes to the nearest pub, where we had lunch (even though it was a struggle), then tried a new route home on which my beauty??? got very flakey and cross with me. Not exactly sure what I had done, but there we go, kids eh?! Both decided to try a nap in the living room on our return and I was doing very well dozing but she had other ideas. Voice from afar "can I do my nails Mum?" Sleepy reply, "yes, in the kitchen though". Then what seemed like moments later, "Mum, can I have some ice cream - yes, Mum, can you open the freezer door?" Oh why do I have to get up, I was sleeping. Never mind, I did still manage to doze some more, until she then said "I'm ready to go out now, come on" With that the phone rang and thankfully that helped me wake up. So off to Halfords to try out new bikes. On our trip it became apparent that her current bike has been adjusted beyond it's safe limits already for her height so we were taking a look at possible next options. She tried lots and ended up on an adult one with a small frame. By Christmas it looks like that will be the one for her - my little beauty growing up so fast.

On the way home we then popped into one of her friend's to invite her for a very last minute sleep over and that's what's on now. Two bathed beauties, to my knowledge watching Dr Who and then, in my humble opinion, off to bed! Hmmmm, wonder when it will finally be quiet?

Now the best part of the last two days was the finally successful revealing of the truth to my beauty. On our walk home yesterday evening from a party she had been at, the conversation got round to when she may see her Dad again. This seemed to be an ideal chance to tell her about the next surgery - oh how wrong I was. Tears ensued but thankfully she was distracted by some other people we bumped into. Today, however, was much better. On our bike ride again the conversation opened up as to why I was having the rest of my thyroid removed. So I thought, hang it all, she is not daft, I will tell her the lot. And so I did, and she was absolutely fine about it all! Now no more secrecy and it feels so much better. Open communication is the way forward.

Isn't it strange how once a niggly pain has gone, one feels a million times better - thank you God. Now, where are those girls....

Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy!!

Today was the day I went back to hospital to find out what next. Very nervous this morning but managed to get into work to put things in order there and share the news. Time rushed past and I nearly didn't get home in time before my lovely PC friend came to pick me up.

Got to the clinic to find it very quiet, even though I had been told it was very busy - strange. Lots of older men looking like they had been there, seen it and done it all before. A short wait and then I had the call but my friend had still not got there having dropped me off and gone to park. But what the heck I knew how the beginning of the conversation would go, so I braved it alone.

In I go and get shown to a seat and the lovely consultant said "well I guess you are wondering why you are here?" No says I, I have known for a few days... That made his job a little easier and it was certainly much easier for me having had time to think what I wanted to ask etc.

So technical data for those interested. The tumour removed measured 72mm x 45mm x 40mm - pretty big! It was a follicular variant of papillary thyroid carcinoma. All successfully removed. So there we are, as I sit here now I may be cured for all we know!

However the lovely man likes his belt and braces, so on Wed 21st Sept I will have the rest of my thyroid removed and whilst he's there he will check my lymph nodes and other areas of my neck just to make sure. Thankfully this will not be on the same ward as before and the clientèle will not be so poorly and hopefully not so noisy. I will be on Dorell ward which has just been refurbished for me!!!!

Then probably about the beginning of November, when they can book me a slot into the solitary confinement room (because I am very naughty you know!) I will have a dose of radioactive iodine to hunt down and destroy any naughty left over bits of thyroid tissue that may have run off round my body or just been left in my neck accidently. What a cheap way to get a silent retreat, result! Upto 5 days and when the Geiger counter has stopped bleeping so much I will be let out.

Asked my long list of questions, had a bit of a moan about "the man" and how cross I was feeling about him and that was my time with the lovely man done. Now to meet my cancer nurse or keyworker as she's called.

She is lovely and available for any questions, however banal, on any topic you like - oh as long as it relates to thyroid cancer of course. Then another nurse came and did my MRSA swabs and booked me in for my pre-op stuff next Wednesday.

So there we are that's news for now. Lots of practicalities to consider and plan but that will all come in time. 13 days to go before surgery again - enough time to finish that darned essay and chill out.

Once again thanks for all prayers, thoughts, good vibes etc, they are definitely working.

See I told you it wouldn't be so much this time x

Oh I forgot, had another chance to see my vocal chords in action. Very strange having a camera pushed up your nose and down your throat, but great viewing!!

If my friend Snow White can do this, so can I...

So, I am supposed to be writing my final assignment for my Post Grad Certificate in SENCo but all of a sudden writing a blog appealed!

Last year my friend Snow White wrote her blog about her journey with cancer and since I have now joined that bandwagon, I decided I would too - all in the spirit of "if you can't beat them, join them!!!!"

Where to start - hum, well my journey started last May (2010) when I looked in the mirror and noticed my neck appeared odd. Somehow the structure looked different. So reluctantly off I went to the doctor - not very good at that, would feel very silly being sent home and told it's absolutely nothing. Doctor takes a look and I am referred to see the thyroid man. Until now, I had no idea what a thyroid was all about really but after significant googling fast became more aware. As ever, referrals don't happen in a hurry, but finally I got to see "the man". All he could say for himself was "can I have a feel please" and then he told me he would take a biopsy. Thankfully Snow White had gone with me, because I was now rather anxious. Three stabs with a needle later and the biopsy was done and off I was sent for blood tests and an ultrasound scan. No discussion as such, very business like and pretty naff. Snow White is a first class companion though and can make me laugh in most circumstances so she made sure I was back on par. Of course no hurry for the scan, "there's a 4 week wait, we will ring you about a week before".

Days went by, no news, so I went to see my doctor and, as I remember, she accessed the hospital record for me and could happily tell me that the biopsy was benign. Ah, that was good. In the meantime I had discovered that thyroid issues were in my birth family - two of my half siblings had had similar issues and subsequent operations. Finally I was called for the ultrasound scan and of course it was when I was going to be at New Wine, so it was delayed by a week and coincided with Snow White's final chemotherapy. That was handy, two birds, one stone!

Scan day arrived. Lovely lady had a good look and found three nodules (lumps), the largest being 5cm x 4 x 3! So that was why my neck looked odd... For some reason she didn't look too happy but said the consultant would discuss what would happen next.

I have no idea how long it was before my next appointment, ah, yes I remember it was booked for about 6 weeks time but I was now quite uneasy about it all. I was encouraged to ask for prayer about it at Church and was so glad I did. I rang appointments on Monday after the prayers on Sunday and got a cancellation the following Tuesday - God is good!

Back to see "the man". Little conversation yet again and another biopsy. He only took samples from the largest nodule though and was not interested in the other two, even though they had appeared different on the ultrasound scan - I was not impressed. But hey, he's the specialist not me... I asked him how quickly I would get the results from him and when I told him that I had got the previous results from my doctor, he was not pleased - "that is not a good idea, they do not know what they are looking at, that's why you should wait to hear from us!".

Knowing that the hospital is not rapid with their news sharing, I returned to my doctor within the week and again received the good news that all was benign.

A couple of weeks later I finally had the hospital letter confirming what I already knew and then went to see "the man" again. First comment - "well it's not cancer, so that's all right. So I don't need to see you again." By now I am not at all happy with the attitude flying across the desk but I ask him if anything can be done about the lumps. I am informed that I could have surgery but that it is not necessary. I tell him that I probably would like surgery (given my half sibling's experiences) but I would like to wait a year as I had just started new job and university course. Off I went to get on with life, for now.....

2011 arrived and little thought of my thyroid lumps, too much stressing about job and course. Easter time now and looking in that mirror, hmmmmm, "does it look bigger?". I thought so and by now occasionally had tricky moments swallowing food, had a constant sore throat for months and my voice got tired by the evening time. Thinks, "perhaps I should bring forward my appointment - yes, no harm". Got a date of July 19th, very near the end of term, but then had a letter out of the blue telling me that the 19th was cancelled and I should go on the 5th July instead. Odd I thought but hey ho.

July 5th 2011 - to see "the man"! Took another friend this time as Snow White was now well and truly entrenched back in her full time job. Thankfully she too is good with the wit, so I felt OK. I was very brave and I said I would like surgery as I thought the lump had got bigger. He had a look and didn't really comment and then proceeded to tell me all the hideous things that can go wrong with thyroid surgery. I asked how long the wait was, only to be informed that the NHS does not work like that any more, he looks in his diary proposes a date and we negotiate from there - wow, that told me. However I was not put off (though it was a close call) and having read the three page document specifying what he had told me, I was then required to sign it. Done. But boy was I nervous. Back to his desk and my friend tells him she is impressed by the depth of information on the disclaimer but would have liked a diagram so she understood it all! SILENCE. "the man" types on keyboard and asks "do you know how to use these computers, have you heard of mr google?" As it happens my friend runs her own PC repair business and remained surprisingly cool and calm. He then proceeded to show us numerous diagrams on his PC and explains the surgery with great enthusiasm (he has a reputation for being an excellent surgeon with hopeless bedside manners - yes don't we know that). It was as it happens very useful and reassuring. So date, 5th August? No I will be at New Wine (again - it's good you know, I'd recommend going). How about 19th August. Yes. Done. See you then. You can go for pre-op now.

Pre-op was closed. Told would get a call to come in. Weeks passed - no call. Lots of doubts about having the surgery, terrified of out of controlness of anaesthic. Finally I rang to ask about pre-op stuff to be told my appointment is in two days time. No one thought to tell me and I was going away. So pre-op and vocal chord check would be immediately I returned from New Wine, a week before surgery. Still very nervous.

Two holidays later and now I am really psyching myself up and trying to be cool. Plans made for my beautiful girl to be looked after by her Dad whilst I am in hospital overnight and then during the week whilst I recover at my parents.

Snow White is a complete star and offers to take me in and see me when I get back up on the ward. The night before I stayed at Mum and Dads and what a good job I did. My beauty was distraught saying goodbye the night before and I couldn't have dealt with that just before my op.

Snow White turned up the next morning and off we went.  She had bought a bag of her infamous sock monkeys to sew and it was a fantastic distraction. I was first on the list, should be going to theatre at 8.30am - hooray no time to wait around. Oh no - we can't find your notes, you will have to be second, about 10am -booooooo. One chat later with the anaesthetist, then another with "the man". He was not happy without my notes and I was trying to persuade him to remove all my thyroid not just the half with the biggest lumps but he wasn't having any of it. If he left the other half, I would not need to be drug dependent all my life. If I need another op later so be it! That told me - again. Fancy stockings and gown on and off I go to theatre. So nervous I get the shakes and feel freezing cold waiting in the pre-theatre room so am given three blankets and some general chit chat from the nurse waiting with me helped me to stop shaking. Next I know I am offered a gin and tonic and gone, out for the count.

Duly informed it had all gone well and got taken to the ward just before 2pm as the recovery room had got full. High as a kite and pretty perky. My sister arrived, closely followed by my beauty and her Dad, so plenty to chat about, throat rather croaky but manageable. Tired by 4pm so they left and a quick nap followed by Snow White on top form. I managed to tuck into my hospital dinner and it all successfully got swallowed whilst Snow White entertained the other punters in my bay. Mum and Dad came for the late shift and all was well. The man from the hospital radio came and three of us on our bay had records played for us, so that made some more time go by. Unfortunately nights on wards are often bad and this was no exception. The lady opposite me was very poorly, high on morphine and spent most of the hallucinating and calling out. When morning came it was a relief. So two lots of blood test for me 9am and 3pm and if I pass both I could get out as long as I return in the morning for another blood test. Success, I am given the blood OK message at 4pm and am released into the real world again. My sister took me back to my parents, waited on me hand and foot and there I stayed for the week.

My beauty found it very tough but it was the best thing for me. Gentle walks, bits of this and that and lots of lovely home cooked food. Just what the doctor ordered. Recovery going very well as far as I could tell, scar healing nicely. So, first jaunt in the car, 26th Aug, one week after op and I safely drove myself home. I returned to a waft of delicious food as my sister, my beauty and her Dad were busy cooking masses of meals for the freezer - how excellent was that!

One week left of school holidays went OK and then a weekend break as a treat before returning to school. No school for me yet though - still signed off sick.Got a phone call this Monday asking me to attend a clinic this Thursday. I never thought to ask why, just got the impression that the clinic I was supposed to go to had been altered for some reason. No problem, Thursday it is then. Tuesday (6th Sept) to the doctor to get sick note. Hey thought I, whilst I am here I will ask if histology report is available on the system. Yes, there it is. Doctor sits and reads, dead pan face, no body language to read, and then some vague words about cancer. WHAT? that wasn't in the plan. I went and had elective surgery and then I hear that word. Brain now foggy, had a whole list of other ailments to discuss which I did and then off I went having been told that thyroid cancer is curable etc. etc. etc. I told some people, asked my computer friend if she would go with me to the clinic on Thursday, yes, great, thanks and then lost my nerve - did I hear right, perhaps I got it wrong, hmmm better keep quiet for now. Snow White was a darling and dashed over to spend the evening with me. Was lovely, plenty of laughs.

So today I thought I'd better just ring the doctor to ask her to tell me again what she said yesterday. She rang back very quickly and said she'd print out the report and then when I could get to the surgery she would go through it with me and that's what happened. She was brilliant. I now have the two page report. It does not say what I wanted it to say but it is true, I have cancer. I am trying to say it a lot because I can't take it in really.

One person said today, wow that's a sentence. I am very clear that I do not have a sentence - it is just a blip! I have much more of life to live yet and a whole lot more sculpture to enjoy doing - so there.

Prayers welcome, any amount, any time, God has been very good and will no doubt continue to be so.

Gosh that was a lot, don't worry, there won't be so much next time - I promise x