Mr Lovely is still lovely!

Yes, I have to confirm that Mr Lovely has the loveliest bedside manner even though he doesn't have all the answers.

Today I went back to see him. My appointment was not until the New Year but with my continuing voice sillyness, swallowing hassles and shortness of breath, I decided if I could see him sooner rather than later, I would probably feel a little less anxious and slightly more in control. Once one is in a system you can bypass all standard procedure it seems and just ring up the department you require and request a change of appointment which is what I successfully did.

So he stuck the camera up my nose but not before I requested and had the anaesthetic spray I hasten to add! Down the throat and yes my vocal chords are still there, the right one though still being somewhat limp. A few different sounds for me to make today, a rather unpleasant moment when he moved the camera to another position and then it was all done. My body however seemed to disagree with it this time. My breathing went haywire and my swallowing and I needed a good few minutes to regroup.

Well this all got him pondering. Speech therapy definitely a good place to start, will refer you for that. Surgery not considered until 6 months after the damage occurred (only 3 months currently) - we'll wait and see. Breathing difficulties - hmmmm I'll refer you to the people who check lung function and see what they have to say.

As for my calcium and thyroxine levels they will be checked at the end of this month when my blood has stopped glowing so much and then another appointment next month to see Mr Lovely again and see how it's all going. Good - some action and an apology that things haven't been going so well.

Ah nearly forgot - to aid successful swallowing of liquids, turn head to right side and drop chin a little - I have to report that it works well!

Since I last wrote I have finished work as a SENCo and was given a lovely leather handbag and a book token as a leaving present which all came as quite a surprise!

I also graduated and enjoyed dressing up even though it was rather chilly! My beauty and my sister came to watch and took some lovely pictures - here's the best one (sorry to bore my facebook followers).

My sculptures are progressing slowly but I do have the next project in mind, the title is "Moral Destruction?" you'll have to wait and see what it looks like. In fact, let's have a "guess what Jane is going to create to illustrate that question!" Answers on a comment. Lots of practicalities for me to consider and probably a lot of hard work but it is pretty exciting!

My beauty is definitely settling back into normal life again - very few emotional outbursts now which is a great relief. She went to Brownie Pack holiday this weekend for two nights and had a fantastic time. I kept my phone by me at all times but not a peep from it - so here's to lots more holidays away without Mummy!! I enjoyed a great sing (well croak) and dance (with additional puffing) at a friends birthday bash and managed to sell the old car and de-clutter some of our stuff through giving it away on Freegle - a most brilliant invention.

So we are nearly at the end of 2011 and I had hoped to have got the all clear so that I could cruise into 2012 with this blip behind me. For all I know I may be all clear now, hopefully the radioactive iodine has destroyed the remaining thyroid tissue that was in my neck, but just to be sure I will have a second treatment next May. In the meantime, there are more and more days now when I never even think about having thyroid cancer. Taking the drugs is just routine and I am less particular about timings which is fine. New experiences of life do get assimilated, however difficult they are, but a bit of grieving now and then helps the healing process and I have shed a few tears over these past couple of weeks.

Take heart dear readers, God has done and is continuing to do amazing things in my life through all of this and I thank you for all your prayers and support. I too thank God for hearing your prayers and answering them. I recently realised that life is not about what I do but about what I let God do in me and what He does through me.

Hallelujah!

God be with you this Christmas and love to you all for 2012 xx

A brief check-in...

Well two days back at work this week, one open day at the University of Creative Arts in Farnham, a session at pottery, another session doing glazing in Langley, a big family birthday gathering last Sunday and life goes on.

Today I am feeling cross about my still rubbish voice. Of course I have googled it extensively and appear to have every symptom that one could have with a damaged recurrent laryngeal nerve. Rubbish voice, puffing like a steam train whenever I exert myself (even walking upstairs) and hassles with swallowing particularly with drinks. Pooh pah pants! Apparently one can have spontaneous recovery if new axons grow and fix the damage - I am still waiting. Read a research paper on the matter and it looks like 12 months is the max wait time. I have an appointment with Mr Lovely in the middle of Jan which will be nearly 4 months post op and see what he has to say then. Perhaps we should all pray for that spontaneous recovery - yes let's do that, that would be a fantastic surprise too!

Oh I forgot, since I last wrote I bought another car too. Mine nearly dead so bought a newer version of what I already had in a slightly darker blue with 80k less miles on the clock and one owner - hopefully it should last for the next 5 years or so.

Must go to bed, always stay up far too late, partly because I try and space my drugs out to every 8 hours and go for 11.30pm, 7.30am and 3.30pm. Hmmmmm, poor excuse, right I am off, really, good night, no you go first, see you again, night night, pyjama, pyjama, sleep well..........

x!

P.S. Booked into the "prison" 21st May 2012, week before half term, my beauty wants to be able to come and wave at me!

Yes, news is in!

Hi all

So my appointment went ahead despite the pickets at the main gate and even though we were called through quite quickly we then spent a good 15 minutes in the consulting room whilst the doctor was collared by everyone else first!

Anyway she did come and the good news is that the cancer has not spread anywhere else - praise God! But.... there was a big enough uptake of the radioactive iodine in my neck for them to recommend that I have a second treatment in 6 months time just to make sure that all remaining thyroid tissue was destroyed last time and if not will be second time round.

So I was assured that it was all positive and off we went to book the next "prison" date.

So here's the quandary, to have it during the last week of school before may half term or have it during may half term. The deciding factor will be how I think my beauty will best cope with this all again. If I go in during half term her Dad could take her away on holiday and she would not be seeing me anyway and of course can still speak to me whenever she wants. If I go in during the school week, she will have the routine of school and will be able to physically come and see me, if only at a distance. I initially thought half term, going away was the best option, but I am concerned how that might pan out with her getting distraught AND being away from home and not able to see me. So perhaps the school routine would be better. I have thought of asking her, but is this too much to put on such a young one - I am normally led by her wishes but am frightened I might be asking too much of her. Still, I am erring on school routine. I will speak to her Dad and see if we can work it out. I might sound her out too - perhaps?

I didn't really want to do a second go, but there we are. It's ages away and there's plenty more of life to live before then. I believe that my next booked hospital appointment isn't until 16th January 2012! to see Mr Lovely again about my dalek voice - that's good, weeks of normality and no wondering about anything, hooray.

Had a look at a "new" car today. Pretty much a copy of what I have now, darker blue (ming apparently!), but with 80000 miles less on the clock and 4 years younger. All seems good, just needs an MOT first, then the chap is going to get back to me to agree the price, if I am still interested of course!

Back to work next week - first time since July. 4 days left, then it's all over for this job.

What next I wonder? Hmmmmm

Thanks again for all prayers/positive vibes etc. I didn't feel overly anxious about my appointment today and news was good.

Tomorrow busy, busy. Visiting another thyroid friend who is currently on her two week drug withdrawal and diet who has been rather unwell today and in A and E, home now thank goodness and feeling much better. Then onto the crematorium to support the family of my elderly neighbour who died the day I went into hospital. Finally onto pottery for a couple of hours before picking up my beauty from school.

Better get to bed, otherwise I won't be fit for any of it!

Love you all
x

Wow that was a busy week!

It seems like a lifetime ago that I wrote the last blog entry and I was feeling so ill this time last week. Thank goodness I am feeling overall much better today. I have definitely got a cold virus thing but the very ill feelings of last week were connected with the lack of thyroid medication I think. Now I have been back on them for nearly a week I do feel more human.

Last Saturday my beauty had a friend to play for most of the day so I just got on with not a lot and that suited me fine. Sunday my beauty complained of chest pains so I thought I should take her to the walk in clinic and get her looked at. Nearly one hour later and it was confirmed that she had the virus too and the chest pains were nothing more than hurting tissue on her chest wall - better to check than find later she had a chest infection was my thought. Then on to Church as she wanted to see if she had a part in the Christmas production. Yes, still some parts so she was happy. Off to Mum and Dads for our traditional Sunday roast and as ever it was delicious and much appreciated. Played Happy Families with Dads vintage cards and Juliette whooped the a*** off us grown ups much to her delight!

Monday came and off to school for my beauty and pottery for me. It was good to be back and a week earlier that I had expected as by now all my post radioactive contact restrictions had finished. I amputated the hand from the arm and the thumb from the hand to make adjustments and reattached them - looking better bit by bit.

Monday afternoon and a trip to school for me too - to resign! Ahhhhhhhhh that feels better. My recent cancer cloud has come with the most enormous silver lining in the form of a critical illness policy payout of a monthly sum for a considerable number of years. This enables me to pay the bills and buy food etc. and means I do not need to work to fund myself and my beauty. Obviously I can work and do fully intend to, hopefully doing one to one teaching either in mainstream or special school settings.

Tuesday and I met with another lady who is about to have RAI and is quite nervous about it all, just as I was. It is lovely to be able to share what I now know, just as my other thyroid friend shared her experiences with me before I went into the "prison".

Wednesday and a flying visit to a very special friend and her husband near Bournemouth who I hadn't seen for about 18 months. She too has cancer and our voices sounded very similar - two daleks together! I had a lovely time, we reminisced about work (where we all met many years ago) and shared many family stories and pictures - a special day x

Thursday and a flying visit to London with my sister to the British Museum to see the Grayson Perry exhibition. It was brilliant, most thought provoking, interesting, fascinating.... I would highly recommend it and if you go with a friend can get a 2 for 1 voucher from the days out guide if you go on the train. There is also the BBC program on iplayer that tells the background to it all, click here:-
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b016ycnn/Imagine_Winter_2011_Grayson_Perry_and_the_Tomb_of_the_Unknown_Craftsman/

Here he is in one of his "lady" outfits - a true character!

Friday and some talking with my talking lady, brief cup of tea with my PC friend and then lunch in town with another good friend. Most odd just the two of us in the restaurant that apparently isn't really a restaurant anymore but delicious cheap Chinese lunch nevertheless! This then followed by swimming lesson for my beauty and some lengths for me too after about 5 weeks off for me I think. I had forgotten that in my new no thyroid, damaged laryngeal nerve status I get extremely breathless after a couple of lengths and have to have a minute or two of puffing before setting off again - it came as quite a surprise!

My beauty has had a success filled day today. She came out of school with a deputy head teacher award sticker for doing some good writing which she was very proud of and then she was told that she has achieved her stage 5 swimming certificate and can move on to stage 6. She's hardly been in those classes two minutes it seems.

After swimming we alternate between McDonalds or the fish and chip shop. Today was fish and chips - yummy. Got home to find another friend waiting for us in his car so we all shared the chips and had a good feed.

Now back to the reason for writing this blog - that blip! That silly thyroid cancer blip. Since coming out of hospital I have really felt that it is all over, that's it, no more, done, but... I still have to see the radiation consultant to get the results of the whole body scan that I had last week just before I was discharged from hospital. I was warned that I may need a repeat RAI treatment in 6 months but I so do NOT want this and as my recent treatment seemed to go so well sincerely hope that this is a good sign but this is not necessarily the  case. So my biggest request for those praying/having positive vibes etc. is that I do not need another RAI treatment ever again (or any other treatment come to that!). My appointment is this Wednesday 30th November at 9.30am (likely to be a little later in reality) and my sister is going with me. To add a little irritation to the day, my beauty will be off school as all the teachers are on strike that day!

Thank you good and faithful family and friends

xx

The end - no, no, no, wait...

Don't go, well not just yet.

Done the ops, had the treatment, that's it then?

Can't thank everyone enough for all your prayers/good vibes/support. I have known, sensed, experienced God's love through this all and received many rich blessings.

Think I broke the record for the number of visitors to the RBH "prison" in the 48 hours I was there and by the time it came for me to be escorted down to the medical physics department for my whole body scan, there was only one blue over shoe left for me to wear! The scan man had to go searching for more so that I could tread the corridors without radiating the floor!

I didn't read a single book, watch a single DVD or video, didn't write my book, didn't draw any pictures, or even really just "be". I watched telly, kindly funded by my PC friend who took me in and took me home after and chatted to my lovely friends and family who braved the lilac "prison", dutifully wore the blue overshoes and learnt how to close and open the motorised lead lined door whilst I sat on the opposite side of the room. Ah, I did do the local newspaper crossword and 2 sudokus!

I have been home for two days now and feel particularly ill. Not sure exactly why, think I have a nasty virus with cough and perhaps the rest is due to the fact that it is now 2 and a half weeks since I had any of my T3. Tomorrow I can officially start this again but I think I may cheat and start at 11.30pm tonight. I can't bear feeling this ill and just to join me, my beauty has had a high temperature all day too. So please keep us in your prayers as we both get back to full fitness.

Getting back to the second line of this post though, I do feel that it's all over, the cancer I mean and I trust that God has it in hand. I won't know for sure if this is the case until I have been for my follow up appointment on Wednesday 30th November when I get the official word from the results of my whole body scan.

So onwards and upwards! It's the only way. Not sure when I will post again but will put a link on facebook as I have been.

Thank you dedicated family and friends

x

The eagle is flying the nest!

Hey, great news, I am allowed out at 3pm after my whole body scan!

This comes as a great relief after a tricky morning which started by a very upset call from my beauty. She was not feeling well and needed me home right now and her Dad needed to get to work. Well I worked some motivational magic and by the time I checked with my neighbour to see how she had been when she went round there 25 minutes after her call to me there was absolutely no sign of any distress at all - phew.

There was some other news however, that my elderly neighbour had died on Monday - glad I wasn't there to get the emergency call as I was second on the emergency contact list for him. He was a lovely gentleman and had determinedly managed to stay in his home for five years after his wife had died even though he had the most incredible shakes. I guess for him it was good to just pop off like that, he had had a couple of falls recently, I only hope he didn't suffer at all when it finally came. I also trust that God is there with him too even though I don't think he would have professed a faith. I feel pretty sad, perhaps I'll be able to go to his funeral...

Anyway back to my day. Got to pack! Will write again later from the "real" world.

How God answers prayers - hallelujah!!

x

The eagle has landed!

Yes finally I am in "prison" and so far it has been a busy place.

Arrived just before midday with my PC friend, TV and Scart lead only to find the room was still being cleaned! Well better that I suppose. Started to embark on a jigsaw in the day room which of course made the staff nurse arrive and escort me to my room for the week. Firstly to sort out the technology and do some furniture removals which completely confused the physics staff who were expecting to find the TV etc. in it's traditional position but no, Jane has arrived don't you know!

Established that the TV did have sound after all as it played a video OK which was good but no Scart lead between DVD player and TV. No problem, quick unwrap and sorted, bob's your uncle ?!

A lovely young lady doctor came to check my health and gave me the all clear including my chest which I was concerned about as I have a cough currently. I hadn't noticed her youth particularly but my PC friend had and we discussed the whole concept of "old".

A lovely young nurse arrived next to do basic obs and all tickety boo. She seemed quite impressed by my blood pressure.

Physics then arrived with the new scart lead and swapped out mine and said she'd be back with the chief soon to administer the capsule. So just long enough to whisk the TV we had bought in back out to the car which by now had had it's 2 hours on the road and take my last breaths of fresh air for a few days.

So ready for action whenever you are and yes here they are, the two ladies from physics with the radioactive iodine capsule encased in a hefty lead lined pot. Recapped all the rules of engagement in "prison", signed my life away again, gave my PC friend the last safe hug and off she went.

The capsule was lifted out of the pot in a long plastic tube which I had to take and tip the capsule into my mouth. Success, big swig of water and it was done, time 3pm. I was very nervous - how might I feel, what might happen next... I was Geiger counted, from one side of the room to the other, with the 1m piece of string stretched which I held towards my tummy and then my neck, then directly up to my tummy and neck for baseline readings. Thankfully the capsule had safely arrived in my stomach and the needle flew off the end of the scale on the counter.

Do you know it is incredibly quiet in here now, 8pm. Eerie in a way.

Anyway back to the story. All measurements recorded on piece of scrap paper with my hospital sticker slapped in the corner and off the ladies went. Now I was alone and I shut the motorised lead door as instructed.

Thankfully it wasn't long before my sister came, a quick text and she was on her way. Great us all living so close to the hospital, well at times like this. Some tasty chocolate arrived with her - thank you, only the best of course! Today only allowed 20 minutes each and it flies by, she was gone as quick as she came. Whilst she was here I had a call from my beauty - she sounded a bit feeble and was hoping that I might not have had the RAI yet so she could come for a hug- but no, too late by a whisker. So we decided that she would come for a wave and chat from the corridor opposite my room, across a courtyard.

Next to arrive Mum and Dad but only one visitors chair so Mum ventured in first and Dad waited, ding ding, times up and when Mum gets to the door I spot my beauty standing there right outside it. Called a quick hello and told her to go back out to wave from round the corner. Dad declined to come in and all 4 of them went round into the corridor for a series of waves etc. I spoke to my beauty and she seemed OK and we enjoyed some very crazy exchanges of who could do the most silly poses!

Dinner arrived next - as ordered and it was passable, though my jelly had got lost en route - aaah was quite looking forward to that, never mind.

Another fine friend at 6pm with some quality viewing material, Sherlock Holmes! I had been to see it with her at the cinema and absolutely loved it so am excited to watch it again. A call from my PC friend and she said she'll pop back later, in fact that's pretty soon now, so I'd better hurry up.

6.40ish and the physics lady appeared with the Geiger counter to see how it's going. No off the scale this time and I have probably weed some of it out of my system already - hooray! Keeping up those drinks Jane, you know you can do it.

So no ill effects yet, a few queasy moments but nothing bad. Pretty tired actually, but that's a good thing.

Some visitors lined up for tomorrow and plenty of stuff to do if I choose. So far no time to just "be". A little nervous at the thought really but I will try tomorrow and see how it feels.

Thank you for all your prayers - keep going, not long now...

x

P.S. The "prison" is lilac and white - very hospital!

Not long now...

Hi, yes I am still here and doing very well overall.

Had a very pants day on Wednesday. Started off with hospital appointment at 9.30am in the Cancer Centre. Until now all my appointments have been elsewhere in the hospital and I could therefore be in blissful denial. But not here - no, no chance, lots of people with cancer all around me, not good for my state of mind. It was however lovely to see a friendly face in that of a friend I have known since I first arrived in Reading when I was 18 - a long time ago now! He has had cancer for a number of years and is on lot 3 of chemo but in his own words "has had a good few weeks". He of course knew nothing of my situation so we got up to speed and then just got on with our own contemplation. The waiting room is painted blue which is too dark and dingy, it needs perking up in my opinion.

When I finally got called in, often long waits down there, 40 minutes late, the lady I saw was lovely. Went through all the risk factors of the treatment which included an unexpected line regarding the fact that the treatment can cause cancer later in life, 20, 30, 40 years down the line maybe, commonly of the blood! Great just what I needed to hear  - NOT. Anyway I signed my life away and escaped quickly feeling pretty down. Went to get my blood test but huge queue so decided to return later.

The previous day I had been in touch with the lady who works at the college I first went to this January for the start of my pottery experience to arrange glazing etc. of my globe. So all set in the car and off I go up the M4 hoping that getting involved in my current passion may lift my mood. Well finally found out that she was off sick - great, NOT. The man took me down to the glaze room and we found what I wanted but I could tell he wasn't about to let me just get on with it myself so I wrote my name and number on the box my globe was nestled in, stored it safely and left graciously, whilst not feeling it at all.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. When I first started on my LID, I was worried that I wasn't going to get enough food and it was all a big trauma. Now it's just life and fairly straight forward once the cupboard contains the right foods. Sorry that got popped in there, was just cooking some lunch!

Tuesday was the day I finally met up with my fellow thyroid buddy. She is lovely and we exchanged tales of "the man" and his atrocious bedside manner, which was even more appalling for her and the fact that we were both misdiagnosed by him! I feel there may be a letter in there somewhere waiting to be sent. She gave me her top tips, one of them being ear plugs - strange thought I in an isolation room, but no, I am sharing it with a fridge - ah yes, well a quick trip to boots and I am now set up against the noisy brute. Some while later and off she went to meet her family, it was her 30th birthday that day! I saw her again in "that place" the next morning for her follow up appointment, waiting....

Now for those waiting with bated breath who haven't heard else where - I passed my essay with 67%!!!! Pretty ironic really, my highest mark all year on the assignment which I will only get 50% for due to late submission. I could have gone down the extenuating circumstances route previously but chose the easiest option at the time and anyway, it is a pass and that's it. It is finished, done and when the exam board meet next week should be official that I have a Post Graduate Certificate in SENCo (special educational needs coordination).

Friday was a very busy day, my sister popped by to sort out Mum's birthday tea today and arrangements for my beauty next week, I then dashed to see my talking lady and then to University to pick up my essay and put the world to rights and onto a special Christian friend with whom I am journeying.

We had a very happy time and I feel so lifted up in prayer and support it is nearly tangible. I was reflecting on the last couple of years and feeling possibly the most elated about life that I have ever. I sense that I am beginning to be truly rooted with God and that he is at the heart of me and my life constantly. I couldn't stop grinning and realising how awesome God and life with Him is. I asked my friend if we could look at some sort of praise passage from the Bible and she read Psalm 66. It was just so appropriate and even mentions prison!!! Go on, have a read, it is uplifting - if no Bible to hand just type in psalm 66 on the internet and it will pop up.

I am actually looking forward to going into hospital on Monday. It will be good to get this phase done and I feel that it is time and space just to "be" - a gift in a way.

May God bless you even if you think it is all a load of rubbish.

See some of you soon in the "prison"!

x

Nearly 9 down, 5 to go...

Well I am over half way now on the diet and no drugs and it's manageable in the main.

Just taking life steadily and even managed to cycle into town this morning - pretty tired now though. I met up with a fellow thyroid cancer lady who I have met through the Macmillan forum. She too has pretty much exactly the same as me, the same hospital etc. and finished her radioactive iodine treatment just over a week ago. It was great to compare notes and get her top tips! One being the need for ear plugs to blot out the fridge which murmurs all night and the other a great plan for getting friends in to share breakfast with them there by getting the day off to a great start.

So anyone up for coming in with a couple of hot bacon sandwiches or whatever you fancy for breakfast that we could share?

My beauty is getting more worked up by the day and it looks like skype is not really an option with mobile broadband - the connection is just not good enough. I have said that she can come to the hospital and wave to me from outside if she wants and of course she can always call me.  We have been discussing hugging times too when I come out and thinking about how to maximise our close times. I learnt today that it is not the distance from me but the physically not touching me that is important as the radiation is only passed on by exchange of bodily fluids - aaaagh, sweat of course included. Therefore the allotted time period of close contact permitted is 30 minutes in every 8 hours. So if my beauty and I have hugs before school, let's say 8.30am by 4.30pm we will have another notional 30 minutes. No worries! We'll work it out somehow.

Pottery coming on slowly, second hand taking form and everyone at adult education loved the nail, a weighty and impressive piece.

I am venturing to Langley tomorrow (if I feel well enough), back to my first sculpture venue to either glaze my globe and hands or bring back some glaze to do it locally. Very excited, hope it all comes good. The hands on which the globe sits fired well and do support it pretty well (see entry on Monday 17th Oct for pics of hands in the making).

Plans coming together for next weeks incarceration, timetable being prepared ready to enter willing visitors on to and it will be so good to get this phase done.

I sincerely hope that my silly billy sense of humour returns once I can eat normally and have a good dose of thyroxine back in my system. I am missing it!

Right enough of all that, first visitor already pencilled in for Wednesday, no visiting time restrictions, so day time possible too, just 20 minutes on day 1 per person, then 40 minutes from day 2, so if we all get fed up we know it will be over pretty soon!!!!!

Love to you all
x

Hot yoga and no drugs don't mix!

I have discovered that my body is not in a position to do hot yoga currently. I felt very good on Wednesday and thought a bit of physical exercise would be fantastic. I was wrong. In the year that I have been doing hot yoga I have never done so little. Even doing the warm up breathing wore me out! Lesson learnt - payment to hot yoga stopped until normal bodily functions resume, when ever that may be.

Hey - result - I finished my essay and handed it in! If I have managed to achieve 50% then I pass my course and I will have a post graduate certificate in SENCO (special educational needs coordination). This week was a hard determined slog after the pottery delights of Monday but my words for this year which are commitment and dedication paid off. I am not really sure what to do with myself now....

Low iodine diets are pants! Keep seeing and smelling the most delicious food that I can't eat, I will be very appreciative of all these things when I can get back to them.

My beauty and I were invited out for dinner last night - a lovely treat. We all enjoyed a large tasty carvery and apart from one very large yorkshire pudding that probably had dairy in it and certainly had salt in it, I think it was fine. Yummy scrummy (comment just for Snow White!!!).

That's it, I've run out of steam.

Thanks for sticking with me - I am very aware that God is with me in all of this, keep praying etc. He hears it all and keeps us safe.

x

1 down, 13 to go...

Here we are at the end of day 1 of LID. Interesting time had in Waitrose carefully examining many packets for their salt content, dairy content, fish content, food content - oh no that's not right I am allowed to eat still, just a little restricted.

Rice cakes with zero salt are bad - they are like dry sponges that suck up all your saliva and have little taste. Unsalted peanuts are not great either but at least they have some calories. Sesame snaps are sweet and after two packets, too sweet.

Breakfast was the first hurdle. In the planning phase I had imagined having corn flakes with some sort of fruit puree - sounds good. Looked at the packet and found SALT, then looked at all other cereal packets in the cupboard at home to find SALT in all but one, hot oats. So there we are, two weeks of hot oats made with water with crunchy brown sugar - not so bad really.

Now I was quite happy with my dinner. Cooked rice for us both and sausages for my beauty. I then chopped up the remainder of yesterday's roast dinner - left over pork, spuds, carrot, sweetcorn and purple sprouting broccoli. I fried up some mushrooms and sugar snap peas in olive oil and then chucked in the left overs. Looked quite odd but tasted pretty good.

No effects from being off the T3 yet as far as I can tell but something from my weird assortment of food today has made my side of the tummy pain come back - hmm wonder what the culprit is for that?

The most fun I had today was at pottery, here are the results.

I started by joining the individual fingers together,

then created the thumb and palm - extremely exciting!

I also received a phone call telling me the "nail" was ready at the blacksmiths. That too looks fantastic and the man who did it was very interested to ask more about my project. Promised him I would take a photo when it is all finished.

There is more to do on the right hand but I will do this when I add the wrist and forearm.

Just got so excited looking at the pics and thinking about how it may look when finished!!

Well going to hit the sack with a warm happy glow.

Another time

x

LID and RAI - the mysteries!

So here's how it works - in simple terms.

For the thyroid to work properly it needs iodine. With the help of iodine the thyroid produces T4 which is then converted into T3 by every cell in ones body. The rate at which this happens is often referred to as our metabolic rate. People with an under-active thyroid (hypothyroidism) do not produce enough hormone and therefore take T4 or as it is usually known thyroxine.

My thyroid has been completely removed and therefore I will need thyroid hormone replacement for the rest of my life. I am currently having T3 because it has a much shorter half-life than T4, one day as opposed to one week and this makes my cancer treatment less drawn out.

Tomorrow is the start of my LID (low iodine diet) and T3 withdrawal. By doing these two things I will set my body up in the best possible way for the radioactive iodine to work. Basically any remaining thyroid tissue/cells, cancerous or not, which could be anywhere in my body, will by the end of two weeks be desperate for iodine in order to function normally. When I then swallow the radioactive iodine (RAI) capsule (I-131) on Monday 14th November (all being well) the cells will suck up the radioactive iodine and be destroyed - ha ha!!! This is called RAI ablation.

This, in my opinion, is the most impressive and targeted treatment that I am aware of for cancer and was discovered by accident apparently in the 1940s in an atomic research laboratory - praise God I say.

A few days after taking the destroyer pill I will have a whole body scan (WBS) which will indicate where  any remaining cells are hiding. This I believe will also determine whether or not I have to have a repeat of RAI treatment next year.

There, hope that helps.

I have met another lady on the Macmillan forum who is local and been through nearly exactly the same as me over the last few months, seeing exactly the same consultants etc. and she had her RAI treatment last week in the "prison". I am hoping to meet up with her before mine as she says she has some top tips - sounds good and intriguing... Turns out she's a Christian too.

Have had a strange moment this evening. Fell asleep in the bathroom whilst my beauty was having her bath and awoke very suddenly feeling very peculiar, not sure what that was all about - not nice. Made me feel anxious about coming off the drugs. I'm also worried that I might forget what I am not allowed to eat. I have some food ready but probably not enough and I'm not so sure that my beauty is going to be up for it all, so will no doubt be doing her sausages and her other favourites whilst I have to go without - can't see it's going to be easy, prayers welcomed!

Enough of all that, pottery tomorrow then a good talk with my talking lady will probably help enormously.

Sleep tight
x

Bah humbug!

Well it's official, I am not a Disney fan!

We're back...

Positives - Phantom Manor, Peter Pan and Pirates of the Caribbean rides were pretty OK and I got very competitive on the Buzz Lightyear ride, much to my beauty's upset who hadn't really worked out what to do before it was all over!

Negatives - too many people, extremely too much money for trapped punters, queues, tired feet.

Things to be thankful for - safe and easy journeys both ways, fine accommodation, excellent swimming pool with simple but fast slide, good company (apart from the very occasional beauty meltdown), weather that didn't get in the way of what we did and was stunning on Wednesday.

Health-wise I appear to have been "normal" with no ill effects from anything. Both nights we were all asleep by 10.30 and my poor body did not quite know how to deal with that; it had a few occasions last night waking me up trying to tell me it must be morning!

So it was lovely to have a break, not how I would choose to spend it, but Granny had long promised the trip to my beauty and treated me too. Thank you very much x

Back to reality now - a few days of life before LID and T3 withdrawal - 3 days and counting.

There, that was short and sweet and has kept me up sufficiently late for my body to know exactly how to deal with tonight's sleep!!

x

Oh just remembered essay to finish - 7 days and counting...

It's been too long!

Hello,

I'm still here, how are you all?

The week has been spent essay writing and a little pottery doing. I have felt up and down probably in equal measure.

Have had a very enjoyable day today. After lying in for too long, I had a frantic rush to get ready to go on a retreat day put on by Church. My beauty's Dad arrived early which was good but she was still a little reluctant for me to go. Made it in one piece and settled in for the day. The surroundings were beautiful, the food and plentiful cake delicious, the company and time to be with God was fantastic. Thank you to those who put the day together.

From there I bombed back to Reading to pick up my PC friend for her birthday "date"! First to the cafe Madras, a south india curry house that looks a bit like a brightly lit 70's fast food chain but everyone was most welcoming. Chillis seemed to lurk in every item and bite if you weren't careful but our heads remained sufficiently on to enjoy dessert too. Then we moved onto Reading's smallest theatre to be thoroughly hooked in to a rather disturbing and extremely thought provoking production of Blackbird by David Harrower.With just two actors it all seemed rather poorly acted to start with but it soon became apparent why when the story unfolded. Can't tell you any more than that, it would spoil it. It came with the warning - not suitable for children - so I'll leave you to imagine what the content may have been. No interval, just 90 mins of full on mind mess. Extremely well done.

How could we follow that, well a swift half or two down the local before heading home - thank you my lovely PC friend for a great evening and very Happy Birthday for Tuesday.

Now trying to get my head round packing for Disneyland Paris and whether I will have the zing to do it justice. Mickey Mouse here we come!!

That's it, be good, see you soon

x

I lost my mojo!

I had a most lovely normal 3 days! I felt just like Jane felt before all of this kicked off. No pains, no aches, no worries - just normal. It was fantastic.

Then I felt rubbish. Awoke Sunday feeling proper tired. Managed Church, though rather half heartedly, dozed a little during the sermon - oops. Got to Mum and Dads and just lolled around, managed to eat lunch, delicious as ever and did a little washing up and then I was fit for nothing. My sister in law and my gorgeous nephew came to visit too but I couldn't manage the park with them all, so retired to the sofa for a sleep. I think it helped, can't remember now but anyhow they had a great time at the park - that was a relief after last Sunday's traumatic incidents.

This morning I had a lot to do, firstly had to run, as instructed by my beauty, to the corner shop to get milk. Then home to persuade her that she was fine to go to school and that no, she could not wear her furry boots all day as they are most definitely not school uniform. Tantrum followed but not too big thankfully. Packed lunch constructed, breakfast consumed, hair brushed, teeth brushed, kisses and hugs and off we go. She went next door to meet with her walking to school companion and I drove off to see my talking lady. I started off OK but lifted the lid on my current state of affairs and the anxiety rose - pooh. No time for freaking out though, on to pottery. Hands beginning to dry out prior to firing and all still in one piece and here they are. First picture is the in progress, second and third are completed and drying. Let's hope the globe balances on them when they are fired!

Today I started my third "hands" sculpture. I am aiming to do a series of 6 so that I can exhibit them at some point - as you can see I have rather grandiose plans!!! Think I may be getting above my station. For those who haven't seen the first, here it is. I love it!

"His hands, my heart, set free"

To give you an idea of scale, the hands are modelled on my own hands. For the third, I am hoping to do a pair of clawed hands that cross over at the wrist and are joined by a rusty nail - time will tell if I succeed, watch this space! I was very slow this morning, managed to get a rough hand together for refining but when I started that process realised it was going to be very tricky, as it is hard to model the inside of the fingers. So since then I have decided to start again, making and sculpting each finger individually and then joining it onto the palm, then palm onto arm. Quite excited about it now, wasn't this morning just felt like a lump of old lard.

Left pottery and made my way over to my sister in laws. Moaned about feeling rubbish, enjoyed home made celeriac soup and a quick but precious play with my littlest niece. She is beautiful, wouldn't mind one myself but far too old for all that now.

Did the school run and moaned some more. This resulted in one of my beauty's friends and her Mum coming round. I had a nap, the beauties played and the Mum completely tidied and cleaned the kitchen and breakfast room. Wow! What a gift, it hasn't looked so good in months. I too feel so much better for the nap.

So that's me - I lost my mojo but hope it may be on the return. Essay to finish this week, have managed to write some since last time - good work Janey.

x

Next stage news

OK it's official (as far as anything at a hospital can be) - I am booked in for my RAI on Monday 14th November, low iodine diet and drug withdrawal starting Monday 31st October. Oh joy...

I went to have a look at the "prison" and it is small but functional with a window. I am allowed visitors but you must be an adult and not pregnant. Twenty minutes only for each visitor on first day of treatment, sitting on the opposite side of the room to me, then forty minutes a day after that.

With regard to the internet situation, having seen the lady who explained the treatment and rules of engagement for such, I asked to see the man the Chief Exec had sorted for me to see. The lady was a little suspicious of my request but did get in contact with him and he duly came to see me. A very jolly, upbeat man with a very firm handshake. He asked why I wished to see him, so I duly explained and we hatched a plan. We went back up to the "prison" and checked out our mobile phone signals - all looking satisfactory so that's good. I now stopped worrying about the hospital sorting anything out as I know that I will be able to sort out a laptop with mobile dongle no problem (have a lovely PC friend, she runs a very good PC support business you know? let me know if you'd like details!). However, when I asked what the hospital might do next, the man said, I think we should get a laptop and dongle for the unit - now that is progress! I will email the Chief Exec to thank him and ask what time schedule he might have in mind for that!!

Visited a friend today that I had not seen in over two years we thought. Was good to catch up with news and chew the cud.

My beauty was rather fragile today when I picked her up from after school club. Had a proper tantrum saying she didn't want to go to Brownies but she did want to go to the park. When the hysteria had died down and I had read her the riot act about poor behaviour not getting the desired result, she went on to tell me that she had arranged with one of her school friends to see her in the park later. Why is it that one doesn't get the full story until all hell has let lose? Anyway mother rules in this house you know?! (sometimes) and Brownies it was tonight. By the time she had had a snack and got changed to go she was like a new girl - all bonnie and bright again. Women...

Having deposited her at Brownies I then wandered down to the dentist and settled myself in for a wait with my book only to be called early - there's a first. Started with a large dose of local anaesthetic from a very large syringe that the dentist was waving around. Next an impression of existing teeth was taken, then drilling off old crown - not a good experience. Very high pitched squeal that terrified me, was waiting for something to become agonisingly painful and I can tell you I had some very hurried words with God about not being sure what he was all about really but being absolutely sure that I needed his support right there and then! I  managed to relax a little and thankfully the evil drilling came to an end. Had two more impressions done and then before I knew it I was sorted with a temporary crown for the next couple of weeks. Let's hope the glue is good, don't want to look like Goofy when I am at Disneyland!!!!!

Rounded off the evening with a get together with like minded Christian friends which was great, though I was rather tired by now.

I am hoping that for the next few weeks I may be able to avoid my new second home - the hospital. Sore tummy better today but persistent head ache, not so sure that I haven't got a minor cold going on, been sneezing too.

Pottery tomorrow, if I remember will take my camera in and then I can show you what I am on about.

For those praying, having positive thoughts/vibes, please carry on - much appreciated

x

Hmmm, what to say...?

My lovely PC friend has just been round and we have had proper belly laughs - always good for one, though it did not remove my tummy pain.

Had a lovely weekend with my beauty, she had a friend stay over on Friday and we went swimming and Saturday we went to Carters Steam Fair. I do love steam and even though there is only one working engine there, the smell is divine! Sunday I sang my heart out at Church and enjoyed our trainee pastor - it was like a breath of fresh air. Enjoyed one of Mums fabulous roasts and headed for the park with my beauty on her new secondhand bike. She is growing up too fast. The park was a dangerous place to be this weekend - it didn't look any different from usual but my beauty managed to have two incidents. First she banged her back whilst launching herself onto the monkey bars - tears and trauma, then she ran full speed down a small slope only to trip and seriously wind herself - extreme tears and trauma. She was absolutely shocked to the core, was terrified she could not breath, got cold and shaky and wobbly - that was the end of our visit to the park.

Monday morning arrived and she was still delicate, wobblyness had extended now to her arms as well as her legs and school was out of the question. Thankfully some extended understanding and TLC encouraged her to give school a go and as she said "if I don't try, I won't know how I am"! I was delighted, pottery class go, go, go. Well I got there and it seemed too soon after last Thursday - I think I need the contemplation time between sessions to get the full excited effect. No, perhaps it is the teacher - she really wants to teach us and I just want to get on, which I did. Two hands with forearms now ready to be attached to a base - nervous times. No one is quite sure it seems if my hands etc. will be man enough to support the globe, so it's a bit concerning really.

Nearly forgot I had a checkup with the dentist today but managed to check the calendar in time. I love my dentist, he is kind and welcoming and gets on with things. Today he spotted something he didn't like - uh oh, got to have an xray - there all done, 2 minutes and we will have a look. Yes it's as I thought, you need a new crown fitting. Great - what else could there possibly be to sort out right now? So I told him about the likelihood of being in hospital for my RAI in about a months time and that was it - the crown must be done before that. Can you come on Wednesday at 6.20pm for the first stage? - no waiting around there then. That will mean a plastic temporary tooth for a couple of weeks before the new one gets fitted - great NOT.

Oh I also nearly forgot, I had a call from the medical physics department today at the hospital who were sure I had rung them on Friday to chase them up and were sure I was in a hurry for my RAI. Neither were true but whilst she was on the phone, better to get dates sorted. So I am seeing them on Wednesday to go through procedures etc. and sign my life away and to check out the "prison". I have been pencilled in for Monday 14th November, meaning I will start my low iodine diet and withdrawal from T3 on Monday 31st October for two weeks before my incarceration.

Earlier this evening I had a phone call from the Chief Executive of the Royal Berkshire Hospital and a very nice man he sounded too! I sent an email to him very late on Friday night requesting an internet connection in the "prison". I laid out my plight, my request, suggested solutions and suggested funding options and requested a response. I received an email from him at 9.30am on Saturday - most impressive. He said he would discuss with his team and call me when convenient to let me know what was happening. Today he took himself up to the said "prison" and checked it out for himself. He asked lots of questions about how it would be for me, then called me to explain how it was, that there is a phone, a TV and DVD and it's not like a "prison" at all - so he says. As for the internet they are looking into it and would I like to speak to the man on the unit when I visit on Wednesday? So it is all arranged, I will see the man in the unit and find out if they really are going to sort out an internet connection. The Chief Exec was particularly pleased that I had identified a possible funding source, so you never know it might happen, but he said probably not in time for my stay. I did point out it wasn't just for me and that I may be back in 6 months for another session so could try it all out then. My recommendation for today is - Go To The Top!

Well that's me, have to say I am quite chuffed with myself. I have never been so assertive and it feels great! My voice may not sound right yet but I can still use it in many other ways - praise God!

x

The latest

Hi,

Well I went to the hospital and I never got the RAI date I was hoping for. I had been squeezed into see Mr Radioactive and his right hand woman was not there with the diary. What ever next! What about online calendars? Obviously not in the NHS!

Tigger fell off his tail after the last post - pretty quickly unfortunately and I spent a day with my mysterious companion - tummy ache. Not pleased. Well that was Tuesday? Not sure, when not working it is difficult to tie anything to a particular day of the week.

Now just referring to my weekly planner on a classic brown used envelope, I see I had a busy day yesterday. Had an appointment with my talking lady, then my beauty's school harvest festival. This was a lovely event and she sang beautifully - well I couldn't actually hear her, she was the other side of the hall! But I am sure she did. Then a quick dash to hot yoga for the first time since my second op. Had to rest part way through but otherwise I was pretty pleased with my efforts and even managed a snooze on the mat at the end - bliss. Called in at the chinky takeaway for a delicious chicken chow mein which did my lunch and both our teas - that saved a lot of hassle and my beauty was delighted.

Onto the bike shop to reclaim my repaired bike, after some annoying person decided to buckle my rear wheel whilst we were enjoying the Reading Town Meal on Saturday. Up to Mum and Dads to finish the repair I was doing on their 50 year old convector heater, then back to pick up my beauty from a friend's house. She then declined the option of Brownies claiming to be too tired. No problem, just redirected Mum and Dad to come straight to our house for baby sitting. Unfortunately my beauty is very emotional at the moment and decided, on exiting the bath that this was the time to tell me all her school woes. We talked them through and she seemed a little more settled but when it was time for me to go out - oh no, she was feeling very ill now, but of course it was just because she didn't want me to go out. I steeled myself and set off and enjoyed a lovely evening at the rugby club for a Christian gathering. Have to admit I snoozed once again, this time on a very comfy leather settee, but the singing was great - I even joined in and everyone else drowned me out so it didn't matter that I sounded like a strangled horse!

What a busy day - when I am in the middle of days like that I never realise how busy they are but writing it down makes me see what a crazy nutter I am!

To make up for such madness, I chose to return to my bed this morning having said goodbye to my beauty and enjoyed 2 and a half hours cozy sleep. Made a quick lunch and off to pottery - the best drug I have found to date! Started on my second hand for the mounting of my globe and it slowly came together. Then rescued my first hand and forearm from the "wet room". It looked a whole lot better than I remembered and I did some refining. Lots of complimentary comments - always a good ego boost. Made the second forearm and time was up. Put away all ready for Monday morning - can't wait.

Then home, changed into clean clothes and ready to be collected by my PC friend for the long awaited follow up with Mr Lovely! Long wait today, but my companion from hospital came in for her checkup too, so it was great to see how she was getting on. She had a rough time, got an infection, face swelled up and had been back and forth to the hospital more times than me! Got the call from the nurse and was escorted straight to Mr radioactive -no, no, no, I was meant to see Mr Lovely, what happened there? Apparently seeing as radioactive is the way to go for me, no need to see Mr Lovely - deflated, disappointed, what more can I say?!

Mr radioactive is a very sincere man and has a well practised spiel about thyroid cancer and the treatment and human biology and just about everything you could think of. I patiently sat there and listened to what he had to say but I knew 99% of what he was telling me, so nodded appropriately, I hope, until he was finished. Here are the two things I learnt. When we are a foetus our thyroid tissue starts life by our pituitary gland up in our brain. As we develop it travels down each side of our face and neck and then settles at the base of our neck in a lovely butterfly shape. Sometimes it wanders off a little more down the chest. So there could be deposits of thyroid tissue anywhere along that route, hence the RAI to destroy any thyroid tissue that remains. Also in my case they can't be 100% sure they cut out all the dodgy stuff.

The other new piece of knowledge I gleaned was that there is a legal limit of radioactivity that one is allowed out into the world with. So until I am below that limit, when I am having my treatment, I will be in solitary confinement with a motorised door that locks - prison basically!

I have also been warned that I may have to have a second dose of RAI in 6 months time depending on my full body scan and blood tests to make doubly sure that everything is nuked.

I mentioned my dissatisfaction about my duff voice and breathlessness and was in my opinion dismissed and told it should be fine in a few months. However at the end of my session with Mr radioactive, he asked me if I would like to see if it was possible to see Mr Lovely about my voice. OH YES! - result. In comes Mr Lovely who asks if I would like to have another look at my vocal chords, OH YES (that was one of my questions on my white used envelope). Ushered into a small room with my PC friend who is now drooling (he is lovely you know) to have the whole camera up the nose job. All of a sudden he is merrily about to do the job when I enquire about the anaesthetic spray. He says, oh have we not had a go without before - NO, says I, and somehow I agree to try without this time (must have been overcome by seeing him) but I have to say, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME OR ANYWHERE ELSE. It hurts! Wasn't so bad on the way down, but bought tears to my eyes on the way out. Hurt for ages after too and slightly tarnished Mr Lovely's reputation in my opinion. I made it quite plain that if I have to have that done again I am having the spray. He did manage to recover himself though by saying he would see me again in 3 months to see how the voice was and when I then asked if that would be the last time, he said "oh no you will come for check ups for ever now - you and me will grow old together"!!!!! Can't stop laughing now - I am a sad muppet.

Can't write any more now, I feel cheery and happy and that's how I shall leave it for tonight.
Sleep well
x

P.S. Got a sick note for 8 weeks - now that was the best result.

Tigger returns!!

Today I feel pretty good! Voice still hopeless but never mind. Saw the GP first thing to sort out repeat prescriptions and whilst there she gave me my three monthly B12 injection. I was a little nervous about the doctor doing it but she assured me she was competent by saying she had practised once!!! So maybe this is why all of a sudden I feel bouncy and pro-active.

The histopathology report is done and I now have a copy. The cancer was also on the other side of the thyroid and they are not 100% sure that they got it all BUT the radioactive iodine will obliterate any dodgy cells that are hanging around anywhere, so please - no panicking.

The man in the chemist was a little stern with me when I went to get my drugs. Apparently the T3 (sort of thyroxine) that I am on is relatively new and not so easy to get hold of, so I must reorder at least a week before running out. As my original dose of 1 a day was changed to 3 a day last week, I now only have enough to last me until tomorrow afternoon. Let's hope the pharmacist manages to source some before then or I may be on a drug hunt!

Yesterday I had an ultrasound scan on my sore tummy. My sister went with me and I then spent the rest of the day, until I collected my beauty from school, with her basking in the sun. I now have a good sun tan but looks like that beautiful weather has deserted us as it is grey and drizzling outside - boooo. The scan was enlightening. It would appear that I have a cyst on my liver and two "teeny weeny" gall stones along with some thickened bowel wall which is where the original pain was/is. The man was unable to see my appendix, not sure where that had wandered off to?! His main comment was that there was nothing sinister there and that the consultant would let me know what would happen next. In a perverse way I am quite glad they found something, it really does answer some of my questions about the different pains I have been having. I know now they are being checked out and that pain killers are the way forward if I am suffering.

Another thing that has improved my well being, was a great swim yesterday afternoon. My beauty was busy playing with some friends in the pool whilst I did some lengths. It makes me very breathless but it feels great to be exercising again. I have developed some new communication tools. Clapping to get my beauty's attention works well and then she listens carefully and repeats information to others who need it. Whistling is also good but when I don't have so much breath that is pretty hard to do too.

Treated to a lovely dinner round at a friends yesterday evening, so all in all, good times.

x

Miserable old fart - excuse the language!

I am referring to my state of affairs not any of you readers - honestly!

Also trying this "writing it when I don't feel like it" lark.

Today I went to Church and just felt sad and cross. I used to be able to talk and sing and shout so loud I could be heard for miles. Now I am a mere hoarse croak. I am not happy about this, I am wallowing in self pity. One of my good friends suggested I record myself before my first op and I was very dismissive - oh how I wish I had now. It is an effort to talk and people strain to hear me especially in noisy places, so I realise I am withdrawing a bit, it's just easier that way.

I am also fed up with answering questions about my pathetic voice. I have no clue when it may return or even if it will return. By all accounts could take months/up to a year for recovery. I am going to have a croak about this with the consultant on Thursday and see if I can have a look on the camera which he sticks up my nose and down my throat to check my vocal chords.

I think distraction is the best option for miserableness, I noticed it helped this afternoon when I was at my brother's place for my nephews birthday lunch - which was delicious and plentiful. I am determined to stick to a timetable of events for this week and make some headway on this essay. Don't worry, I have treats planned too and some exercise thrown in.

On the chocolate front I am doing very well. Have successfully demolished some creamy milk chocolate, some coffee truffle, dark with cherries, milk with almonds, dark with ginger, plain dark, maya gold, but nearly came very unstuck when I had some dark with chilli! Oh my word, I have had dark with chilli before but not to this degree - tres hot!!!

Well inspiration run out now. Salmon waiting to be cooked for my dinner and I am fancying this, so another time...

Thanks for sticking with me
x

Good friends - big chocolate!

What can I say, I positively know that people are reading my blog because I am receiving delicious chocolate parcels - thank you lovely friends!

Generally eaten like a horse today - had a massive plate of spa salad and then one of Mum's dinners this evening. Now will shortly be broaching my chocolate stash with some redbush tea.

The spa was amazing today - it was like being on the Mediterranean. My friend and I bagged two sun loungers and lounged. Dip in the pool, lounge, dip, lounge, float, eat, lounge, snooze, read, steam, shower, products... Not necessarily in that order but just bliss. Even remembered drugs at nearly the right time.

So that was today.

Yesterday I was challenged to think about my blog writing. Interesting, seems that I only write when I feel I have the energy and it was suggested that I try writing it when I don't feel like doing it, so that I can experience being fully me - well I think that was what my friend was getting at!

I also got myself a haircut and the promised tiffin and accompanying salad and ginger beer which I enjoyed in the Forbury Gardens. I even managed a snooze in the sun there too. Then cycled home along the Thames. It seems that this made me extremely breathless and stole my voice. How the two are connected I am not quite sure but puzzling nevertheless.

Thoughts of hospital are dimming which is nice (rubbish word but hey ho!). Got my next event there on Monday when I will have my sore tummy issue scan and then my follow up from surgery and introduction to my next consultant, Mr radioactive, on Thursday.

Still have 3000 words to write of "the essay". Pooh, don't want to do it, can't get motivated, but don't want to waste a year of hard work. Must find out when the hand in date is - that will spur me on - maybe???

Chocolate and tea anyone? If you would like to join me, do pop in
xx

Home again, home again, jigety jig

I am now home and I did miss my beauty, who is delighted that I am back and had made me a lovely welcome back card!

Hospital news - had my blood test at 8.40am to make sure that the results were available this afternoon at the clinic. Had forgotten that my lovely man would, of course, be doing surgery this afternoon, as it is now exactly a week since my op, so I was attended to by the very young lady who needed to ask the mystery man what they should do about my medication. Thankfully my calcium is on it's way back to being normal - so that is great news. My thyroid hormone levels though leave a lot to be desired and from my one tablet a day, I have now gone to three a day. So that's a total of 10 tablets a day for now - must keep track...

I think my sense of humour is missing in action. I don't feel really poorly but I just feel average along with tired and not at all motivated. It is annoying.

The time I had at Mum and Dads was fantastic, they just let me be, fed me, asked if there was anything they could do for me and I feel so blessed. The weather has been great too, I spent a lot of this morning sitting in the sun by the pond just letting life go by, reading a book.

Very much back to reality now. There were quite a few clothes strewn about the house on my return which I gathered together and washed. Fruit supplies to be replenished. New fluorescent tube required for the kitchen - domestic bliss at it's height!

Whilst sitting watching TV tonight, I reminded myself that I have thyroid cancer - I still can't really get a handle on that. It is an odd blip to be experiencing. I read in my thyroid book this evening about a lady who had thyroid cancer too, who struggled to get her head around the fact that she never knew what her thyroid was all about until it went wrong and then it was removed and it was like she had to grieve for something she never knew... I don't think I am feeling like that, perhaps I am in some ways - who knows? I really don't think I do just now.

So my planned visitor for tomorrow has been postponed due to potential germs which I am trying to avoid, but I am getting my hair cut, which will be good. My hair dresser is Italian with a fantastic accent, is most intellectual and we always enjoy stimulating debate and discussion. He followed his heart not his head and I admire and respect him for that.

During my time in hospital I lost half a stone and now wish to put that weight back on, so I am endeavouring to eat some calorie rich food - am thinking a piece of my favourite tiffin from town tomorrow would be good. I had a delicious Krispy Kreme doughnut tonight after dinner - yum! Got some chocolate to get through as well, so might just go and get some.

This blog business seems very helpful for those who are continuing to pray for me and my nearest and dearest as it gives a focus - thanks to you all for your support.

Chocky here I come - night all
x

Today I am "billy lots of mates"!

Set my alarm for just before 8am and got a GP slot at 11am. Made sure my list of questions was comprehensive, enjoyed a very leisurely breakfast and bath and was given a lift. Waiting, waiting, waiting, 45 minutes later and I get the call. So my calcium level has dropped more since last Thursday and the GP didn't really know what to do about it! She made a guess about taking some more of my chewy calcium tablets, said I should have another blood test on Thursday and then asked that I call the hospital to check if that was OK!!!!

I was not particularly impressed at this point but ran through my list whilst I had her attention. She did manage to do well on sorting me out some waterproof dressings, so that is good. The histopathology report was not on the system yet so that will have to wait.

Well I went to find Mum for a lift home and told her what I had been advised. She suggested I pop into the ward at hospital to discuss my calcium issue and then I remembered that my lovely man has a clinic on a Monday morning, so I decided to gate crash that. Of course the lady on reception was not very willing to just let me gate crash, but it's not what you know, it's who you know and when I spotted my cancer nurse and said hello and why I was there, and the pre-op nurse asked why I was there, the doors suddenly opened before me! Along with that the lovely man walked through the waiting room and spotted me and before I knew it I was in the office with the nurse and him discussing what needed to be done. He told me all about critical levels of calcium and basically I am not needing aggressive treatment, just a little vitamin D to help me absorb the calcium. So another blood test on Wednesday morning and to see him in the clinic Wednesday afternoon - he is rather lovely and I certainly don't mind waiting to see him again!!

Annoyingly though, I had to go to the hospital pharmacy to get my new drugs and that took an age...

Finally got home, quick delicious home made soup for lunch then the visits began! Friend from my beauty's school first, then my beauty and her Dad (we played Junior Monopoly and she won thank goodness), my sister next and just now another friend has turned up.

Most go.... Got a late night pass out too
x

I am a Weeble!

Wobbling all the way...

Can't really put my finger on why I feel so pathetic, uhm no not quite the right word, certainly tired is one of my states of being, stationary, yes that's it, unable to move very far.

I knew I was getting the offer of a lift this morning to the hospital for my blood test, so I had to shift myself into gear which I did pretty successfully. Didn't have to wait too long for the nurse to take my blood and she assured me that my voice would get better in time. Then the steady walk back up the hill to Mum and Dads. Was feeling particularly "billy no mates" when a car pulled across the road and there was one of my lovely friends from Church to say hello and see how I was getting on as she was on her way to Church. Certainly put a smile on my face and reminded me that God even hears the tiny cries too.

Rang my PC friend on my return to see how her poorly toe was doing and she said she'd be round to see me soon - fab. It was such a lovely sunny day, we sat by the pond and watched the fish as they jostled for the food and then decided to do a jigsaw puzzle. Oh what fun we had! I know it all sounds a bit dodgy but it was fun. Then my beauty and her Dad appeared for one of Mum's delicious Sunday roasts which my PC friend stayed for too - a happy bunch we were. All this excitement completly wore me out though and on our return from the park all I could manage was snoozing.

Last time I had the op, I bounced back like Tigger and I want to feel the same. I am cross that I don't and now I have written all this, I suppose I do feel pathetic, wimpy, just not able to get it together at all, well at least for any length of time. I know this is to be expected etc. etc. but I am not a very good patient, I have life to live and I want to feel energised and raring to go, not like a slug.

So tomorrow, I will see my GP and see what she has to say about it all. I will also ask if the histopathology report is available to see what they found in the remaining half of my removed thyroid. Thankfully my MRI scan had shown no other neck issues or lymph node troubles, hence just 30 minutes for the op.

Nothing else to report, my beauty was rather upset but she has had a lovely weekend and the thought of going home without me was a bit much and then all her wobbles about school came up again.

Nevertheless, we are both still standing, as good Weebles do!
Night all
x

Forget the former things...

Last night I was feeling sorry for myself. I am not happy about having cancer, it is a label with so many generally negative connotations. It feels like my body has been taken away from me in a moment. I used to know all it's little ways, what this ache meant, why I was feeling good or not so good in myself, how I could improve my state of mind, many things about my being.

Then part of me is physically removed and I feel completely in the dark about what is happening to me. The chemical balance has been altered and somehow over the next weeks and months we have to find the right levels of drugs to get the balance right again. In the meantime I feel unsure about why I have this sort of pain, why I feel like that, should I say something, will it go away, why can't things be how they were before?

These words then came to me - Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Certainly encouraging, but where are they from? I quickly googled them and sorted - Isaiah 43:18,19. It continues...
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
I am not about to start preaching, so please don't give up on me now - but for me, I am reminded that God loves me more than I can ever know and that he will provide "streams in the wasteland". These can be the simplest things which are such a blessing to me right now, the time to be looked after by my family and know that my beauty is being equally well looked after, visits and messages of love and support from my friends, peace and quiet and greatly reduced responsibilities give time for healing.

I have just tried my voice out for the first time this morning - seems a little easier so that is good. It is quite a physical effort to talk at the moment. My wound seems very neat, quite a different dressing from last time. Last time I had a large clear piece of sticky back plastic over the scar so I could see what was happening and I was told it could come off after 5 days. This time I have a narrow strip of flesh coloured sticky plaster on it which I have been told would be good to keep on for two to three weeks, thereby giving me hopefully a slimmer and less obvious scar. So I will do my damnedest to take that advice. Next week I am off to the spa so have been investigating options for covering up my dressing with something waterproof. I have of course googled extensively and found what I think to be a great solution. Just have to get the doc to write me a prescription for some fancy sticky back plastic jobs that have a foam pad so that my original dressing does not stick to the sticky back plastic and I should be sorted!

Next hospital visit is tomorrow for bloods and then I see the GP on Monday to see if my calcium levels are improving.

Think that's it for now - better get some breakfast
x

Done!

So I am back in the real world staying with my parents for a while whilst I recover.

How did it go? I hear you ask. Fine as far as we can tell and according to the lovely man it only took him 30 mins! So that's it, thyroid gone - forever and now I have a new friend for life - thyroxine, the thyroid replacement hormone.

So that's the overview - here's the details. My lovely PC friend arrived at my parents just before 7.30am on a grey Wednesday morning to take me to the hospital. Seems there was quite a few of us having surgery, 7 in all and I was number 6 on the list. Time passed sitting in the day room and we get chatting. Made friends with another lady, same age, similar interests etc. and we sat and bemoaned the fact that we were both there due to doctor error!!!! She was number 7 on the list and was told her surgery could take upto 5 hours - glad I was me at that point. Gradually we were both seen by the lovely consultant, the anaesthetist and the nurse and then told we would not be in theatre until the afternoon! So that's no food since 9pm night before and nothing to drink since 6.30am and waiting until the afternoon. My stomach tried to eat itself!

Time ticked by and the 2 hours parking came round so my friend went and moved the car and then suggested we went to the museum opposite the hospital - fab idea! Got the OK from the officious nurse having given her my mobile number and off we trot. What a great distraction and a very interesting visit, followed by a quick coffee in the cafe - for my friend, not me, nil by mouth you know - still!

So back on the ward at midday and my friend decided to get back to work - I now of course had a new hospital friend, mrs no 7 on the list!! Staff came and went, more time passed and finally I think about 2.40pm I was escorted to theatre, only to find that the nurse had failed to give me my pre-meds and it was far too late for them!!!! She wrote an apologetic note to send to theatre and then mumbled something about patients not staying in their room.... What sort of excuse was that, every other nurse had managed to find me in the day room directly opposite my single ensuite room.

Mr anaesthetic was lovely and the theatre nurse was a Christian so we briefly shared our church details etc. and that was a great reassurance to me. I had a little sleepy stuff in the back of my hand and then the gas mask! I think I then spent a short time ranting about "the man" whilst I was drifting off...

I awoke later in recovery but was very groggy and was taken back to my room, still completely out of it to see my sister waiting for me - that was lovely. Felt rough, had drip in still which was precariously balanced on top of the wall mounted TV as they didn't have a drip stand! Kept having observations every 15 mins and gradually I came round. My beauty and her Dad then came and it was lovely to see her and then Mum and Dad came for the last slot of the evening. Then decided I would try some soup - bad plan, was doing very well when nausea and headache hit and I continued to feel like that for the next 4 - 6 hours. That was bad, bad, bad. About 2am I finally felt more human and got a little sleep. I think the combination of painkillers had made me feel gross. Woken at 6.50am for obs that should have been done every 4 hours in the night but weren't.

Morning hospital routines then kick into action. Breakfast was two weetabix with gallons of milk to soften it and very slow and careful tiny mouthfuls so as not to choke myself. Mug of tea was delicious but again had to remember not to swig too much as my body seemed to have forgotten how to coordinate breathing and swallowing! My throat was definitely much more delicate than last time and my voice more hoarse but as least I had a voice as the junior doctor went on to say on his rounds - hum very positive! Then a little chat about low calcium from previous nights blood test which the nurse had called the doctor about in the night. The consensus had been to have a supplement with breakfast but the junior doctor knew better and declined such a thing. However, the lovely man came to see me after his morning surgery and deemed it necessary for me to have calcium as my morning blood test was still low. So 6 chewy calcium tablets for me a day for now, blood test again on Sunday and then the GP can decide on Monday whether I need to stay on the calcium or not.

Drugs round and I got to meet my new friend - currently liothyronine 20 micrograms. For the tekkies, this is T3 which I believe I will be on until withdrawal prior to my radioactive iodine treatment in november. After that I will be on a T4 replacement I think.

Got news that if the lovely man happy then I can go home after lunch - which he was. So I go and swap notes with my neighbour who in the end was only in surgery for 2.5 hours but she had big cuts in the right side of her face to fix her saliva glad tumour issue along with a drain - I had it easy obviously! She was woozy and wobbly and stayed another night - I am very glad that wasn't me. At least she was told all the tumour was gone and hopefully in two weeks she will get the all clear. We will both be at our follow up appointments so hopefully we'll be able to catch up then with our progress.

Finally I get discharged and my drugs get delivered. Instructions given and off I go with my sister. Thank goodness that's over!

Thanks for praying and positive vibes etc. Keep them coming and hope to see some of you soon too
x

Busy, busy...

For info after a few enquires, the MRI scan is for surgery planning, so I was informed.

Anyway, been far too busy for all that technical stuff. The first session at my new pottery class sent me to a whole new world of excitement. This will also be my motivation for getting back to life again - you can't start a class and then be off for weeks - that's wrong! I was making plans for the colours on my globe and how I might glaze it and I made a forearm which I mounted my hand onto, looks pretty good so far.

Enjoyed lunch with the littlest hobo of the family, she is a lot of fun to be around and still tucks under the arm nicely when carting her around. She decided that puree was not good but pizza crust was and gummed many a piece to soggyness.

Another good lunch today so all fed and ready to go tomorrow morning. Very tired now, but just happy that the inevitable is nearly here and we can get the job done. In 24 hours time it will have been chopped out and I will be recovering - hooray.

Short of funny stuff tonight - anyone else got something funny to add?
Be back after surgery - ttfn
x

I'm back - did you miss me??!!

Well what a busy weekend. Just back from girls camp, the first of it's kind put on by my church. We had 21 girls and 9 leaders and it was in my opinion fantastic!

So what of my health news. Had my pre-op checks: weight, height, blood pressure, pulse, nasal hairs - hah just seeing if you were still paying attention! Then went for a quick ecg and bob's your uncle, he's not mine, all done and ready to go for wednesday. Uh oh, don't mention that day - I am beginning to feel jittery on and off.

Reading that back I just made myself laugh...

Trying to keep other events at the forefront of my mind and focus to distract myself. I am very excited about tomorrow, it is my first session at my new clay sculpture class locally. I am going to take my globe to discuss glaze possibilities and hopefully continue with the hands and forearms that I am making to mount the globe on.

I have two lunch treats and am looking forward to seeing various family members, especially the newest member of the family. She is an absolute delight, hoping she will chat with me a bit more tomorrow.

My beauty enjoyed the weekend too, though she had a difficult moment at school on Friday. Got upset about me, but by all accounts her teacher took good care of her.

Please keep praying/sending positive vibes/or whatever it is you may do at times like this. It is fantastic to know that my family and friends are so lovely and supportive and gives me the confidence to keep smiling!

x

Beautiful sunsets rule!

Looking out of my office window, I can see the most beautiful colour skies as the sun sets - a great end to a good day.

Getting motivated this morning was not easy, succumbed to an hour and a quarter of day time TV - what will become of me? Finally got on with sorting out paperwork, making phone calls, rearranging stuff that I will not be able to do next week. The post arrived with official notification of MRI scan and details of what to do - got to turn up early to fill in forms - oh no better get going...

Arrived to find my friend already settled into the waiting room and they were expecting me. Chose the music I'd like to have on whilst scanning, did lots of ticking yes/no. Then I was escorted out of the hospital because I was a naughty girl - no, no, no, because the scanner was in a lorry trailer parked outside!!

Had to remove all metal stuff, good bye teeth (4 falsies you know on a metal frame!), good bye glasses, good bye hoody. Into the scan room, pretty tight on space, shoes off, lay down here, without banging head on head frame, careful now. Clunk, yes banged head! Head strapped down, guard over face then accompanying guard type thing on my neck. Don't whatever you do move. Headphones on with my choice of radio 2.

MRI scanners are very noisy but somehow I managed to fall asleep - result! Part way through I had some dye injected into my arm but I didn't really wake up for it. I just remember some vague mumblings about, arm out, sharp scratch, you may feel...... My arm was plonked back onto my tummy as I continued to doze and the final scans were done. I was so sleepy when it finished I thought I couldn't get up. I felt incredibly heavy. Forty minutes passed in a moment, then off for a bite to eat with my accompanying friend before picking my beauty up from school.

It was after school gardening club today and we had lots of fun weeding and digging for potatoes - very satisfying!

I feel so lovely this evening, happy, free even, I can highly recommend it!
x

Oh dear - I lost track of time!

Must have chilled today, just realised it is officially Thursday - ooops!

The retreat day was lovely, slow, caring, sunny and yummy. Wrote a poem after the meditation we did, it was very powerful.

Home to find a message on phone asking me to go for an MRI scan tomorrow lunchtime - there goes the lunch plan I had lined up. Never mind, friend offered to go with me even though she will be sitting and waiting for most of the time, so that is comforting. Don't remember being told I would have one of those, was expecting an ultrasound but hey I am a good patient - well I could be better (rubbish at taking my iron tablets) and will do as I am told!

Not much else to report really. Had some tears today and down times but overall feeling upbeat again.

God's still here keeping a close watch and hand on everything
Off to bed now
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